


between the bed and sky

by xdarlingnickyx (Sonny)



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drama, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 04:21:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/xdarlingnickyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Jared have been living together in Jensen's house; one has the upper floor, the other the bottom floor. Coming up on their third anniversary as housemates, things look like they're headed in a new direction...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **** warnings** :** non-penetrative sex/intercrural sex ; blow-job/hand-job ; use of a sex toy [ dildo ] 
> 
>  **a/n :** based off a comment fic prompt from **LJ user : transfixeddream** off the **bottom!Jared Fanworks Fest - PROMPT -** _Jensen buys Jared a dildo for his birthday_...and I kinda took it to another "level"...yes, it's possible, because my mind is always resting somewhere near the gutter.
> 
>  **a/n 2 :** title taken from the lyrics in ["Until I Wake Up" by Dishwalla](http://www.box.com/s/7ge7lxh5g0ny2etdaapv)

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v163/sonnygrl/xdarlingnickyx/?action=view&current=betweenthebedandskyTitleName.png)

J2 manip from **Cae** on Tumblr

Jensen seethes at the kitchen window, keen green eyes watchful of the traffic in the neighborhood as he waits for the bright beams of the headlights on Jared's truck. He looks down, pushing up the metal bridge of his glasses along his nose, scrubbing away with dishwashing-gloved hands, wrist-deep in hot sudsy water. The cookware and bakeware from his mother had taken a beating from Jared's inexperienced culinary skills, now they were getting a thorough soak and scrubbing at their true owner's hands.

It's why Jensen can't have nice thing in this place with young, inconsiderate roommates living in the other half of this house. His home. His rules. Jared knows that. Jared knows better.

“ ** _...yo, Jensen!_** ”

“ ** _What?!?_** ” Jensen swirls around at the sink, splattering both Jason and Steve with suds and water off his gloves; poor Jason gets the brunt of it. “...sorry, man...”

Steve snickers as he dries himself and his acoustic guitar, handing Jason a papertowel from the table-top spindle. “Here, man...”

“...thanks...” Jason chuckles deeply as he pats his lyric book dry. Thankfully, it's still a sad, pathetic blank page.

Jensen takes off the rubber gloves to lay them on a dishtowel by the sink. He'll let the rest of the dirty dishes soak more as he rolls cuffs back to his elbows, pushing the faucet to the second sink so he can wash off what he's already scrubbed at fiercely. “Did you ask me something?”

Jason opens his mouth, but pauses as he hears the keys jangle with the front door creaking open, then the second door swooshing to the sounds of Jared arriving home. “...never mind.” He raises his eyebrows at Steve, turning a page back in his lyric book. “...le's try that bridge again, bro...but slower to, maybe, a half tempo...”

“...sure, sure...” Steve tightens the strings, pushing his chair, and himself, into the table edge as Jensen puts hands on hips to come around behind where he sits. “...here we go...” He mumbles, rolling his eyes at Jason as they've been hearing nothing but how Jensen is going to “tear Jared a new asshole” for leaving the kitchen in such a shambles before he'd left home to go...wherever.

Jason wiggles his own eyebrows. “...kinda glad I don't live here anymore. Jen an' I get along so much better.”

Jensen wanders out from the kitchen area to look down to where Jared stands, taking off his coat. “You and I need to talk, Jared.”

“...can it wait?”

“ ** _No! It can't 'wait'!_** Do you realize the mess you left for me to—?” Jensen grabs the pointed ends of his elbows, intent on reading his roommate the riot act, but Jared was ignoring him to walk down to the first floor. “ ** _Hey! I'm talking to you!_** ” He bolts down a set of five steps to the foyer landing, then turns to the right, heading down a flight of stairs to chase after Jared.

Jason and Steve attempt to pretend like they don't hear the raised voices and the slamming of doors, but the dogs are getting agitated and seeking shelter, and quiet, under the table.

“God...” Steven scratches behind Oscar's ears. “...must be like Mommy and Daddy fighting for them to hear.”

“Sad that their dogs have bonded better than they have.”

“But Jared's lived here for 2 years, hasn't he?”

“...yup. Started out over the garage. I had the bottom of the house, Jensen the top—-like always.”

“Speaking of 'garage'...why don't we head out there. Try the chords on the electric.”

“...oh, yeah...grab some beers. And bag of chips with some of that dip, too. Maybe a slice of that 'horrid disaster of a cake' Jared tried to make...”

“dude...I'm not your maid. Get the fuck over here an' carry some of this shit.”

With arms loaded and guitars strapped to their backs, Jason and Steve make a quick break for the entrance outside at the back of the house. The dogs chased after them to find freedom and sanity for a few hours.

==&&==&&==&&==

Jensen returns to an empty kitchen with a hoarse voice.

“ ** _Fuck!_** ” He swipes over his brow to dry the sweat. He feels like his blood pressure has gone sky high. God...he had hated doing that, truthfully. Had hated getting red-faced and bitchy, nagging like he was Jared's mother, or wife, rather than his roommate.

Two years...jesus christ. They were coming up on their three year anniversary, and Jensen had timed it perfectly after Jason had left to move in with his girlfriend, that Jared could have dibs on the first floor, and someone new would move in over the garage. Right now, the loft above the garage sat vacant, mostly using it as a hang-out/music room/jam session space; Jason and Steve had often flooded him extra cash when he had needed as he would try to pay bills without that good chunk of rent coming in.

Jared had ecstatically slipped right into moving into the house. Same agreement contract he had with the Jensen when he had first moved in two years ago. Month by month trial for three months, then every third month from then on, which would come to sixth, ninth and eventually twelfth month to round out the end of the year. At the year's end, anyone living in the house would be evaluated, like Jensen had “employed” roommates instead of simply living with them. It had ended up being a turn-off for most renters, and this was why Jensen only offered to friends and family. Jared had been the only true outsider to take up his hare-brained contract offering.

Jared had thought it had been cute, had laughed right in Jensen's face, but he had ended up agreeing that since the house was owned by Jensen, he could do whatever he damn-well pleased. Everyone would simply have to march to his drum. Of course, Jared had said these words, living in the loft above the garage; living in the house was something new and different. Not always good...like now.

Jared storms up the long staircase to the foyer landing, dog leash and collar in hand.

**_“...walk your dog!”_ **   
**_“Where's Sadie?!”_ **

Jared throws on his jacket. “I just asked you—never mind.” He turns around in pent-up frustration. “ ** _She's probably hidin' 'cuz of all your yellin'!_** ” Jared keeps his jacket on as he tosses the leash to the ground beneath the coat hooks along the wall.

Jensen has been able to view Jared all this time from his perch on the half kitchen wall/railing, looking over the foyer. “Hang up the leash, Jared...before someone trips.”

“ ** _...yes, Dad!_** ” Jared grumbles as he pockets the leash and collar, then clomps up the five steps to enter the kitchen. He puts his arms out as he looks around in shock. “ ** _What the hell did you leave for me to do, man?!_** ”

“There.” Jensen points to the side of the fridge. “Those two garbage bags. And you'll pay me back for those cookie sheets you burned beyond recognition.”

“oh, please...it's non-stick bakeware...”

“Every bit of extra caution helps. Use the aerosol pan spray or a stick of butter—something. I know I have wax paper as well.”

“Just this. Right here.” Jared can tell that his cake and the basket-full of cookies have been eaten. He opens the fridge to notice that his lasagna pan has been picked at, almost half gone. And the bowl of dip he made has mysterious vanished. “I take it Steve and Jason are here?”

Jensen snaps his head back on his neck. “...huh?”

“You don't feel any guilt over munching on all of my burnt offerings as you bellowed at me. At least someone appreciates my cooking.” Jared picks up the two bags, dragging them briefly to sling them over a shoulder as he walks down the hall to head toward the back entrance where the huge garbage bin is outside. 

Jensen follows Jared outdoors, though he shivers as he watches Jared lift the plastic lid to dump the bags inside. “I'd appreciate it more if you'd...” He has to stop as Jared averts his head in disgust and nearly falls head over feet, dry heaving in the grass. “...whoa, whoa...” Jensen rushes to Jared's side, steady hand to his back. “...heyyy...what's wrong?” He quickly bolts over to shut the lid, getting a quick whiff of the stench that may have set off Jared's gag reflex. “...jesus christ...what is that?”

Jared hurriedly moves to grab onto the deck stairs railing then twist and sit on a step to catch his breath. “...mmm...don't know...” As he bends his head between his knees, he attempts to take in fresh air.

Jensen thinks he knows what this is. “...migraine?”

“...yeah...a good one...”

“Wha—?” Jensen furrows his brow in sudden confusion. “You say they usually are triggered when you're under stress—what—?” 

Jared swipes a hand over his face. “I'll, uh—leave the rest of the dishes for me.” He rubs over a cheek, then around the side of his neck and the back of his head. “I'll have the money for you for those cookie sheets by the end of the week.” Jared grabs onto the thickness of the railing to catapult himself to stand, balance himself on sturdy feet and then head back inside.

“Jared...” Jensen can't understand why Jared won't sit still and talk to him. He knows how annoying it can be to have someone trailing behind, trying to carry on a conversation.

“Not now, Jensen...please.” Before Jared heads down the five steps, he puts up a hand to ward off Jensen. “I just need quiet and dark.” He jogs quickly down to the foyer floor.

...“to be left alone” is what Jensen hears. “uh, yeah...oh-kay...” Now he starts to feel like the evil wicked witch. “hey...did you take your—?”

“I took my pills—didn't work.” Jared eeks out of his jacket.

Jensen knows he shouldn't, but he hovers over the stair railing to look down at Jared; he tells himself he's only making sure that Jared isn't fainting or upchucking. “...did you eat?” He knows Jared can forget sometimes, just burning off pure energy.

“yes...some broth and crackers...thanks...” Jared hangs his jacket up, taking out the leash and collar. He looks like he wants to say something to Jensen but he turns one whole spin to head downstairs.

Jensen watches Jared leaving, closing his eyes to hear heavy footsteps trek down the hallway and then the opening, and closing, of a bedroom door. Jensen leans over the landing railing, then presses his brow into his folded arms. God...could he feel more awful for chewing out Jared the minute he had walked through the door? Jensen pushes off to head back into the kitchen, looking around at what he has done to clean up Jared's mess; he hadn't even bothered to take a second glance at the food Jared had made. He picks up a burnt cookie—oatmeal raisin, his favorites—and it isn't that terrible once he takes a small nibble. The lop-sided cake does look moist and the frosting rather appetizing to take a swipe of, but it causes Jensen to wonder just what Jared had planned on doing while he attempted to butter Jensen up with his cooking debacle.

He had known there had been a note left on the lasagna, but when he peeks into the fridge, and takes the pan out—nothing. So he goes back to the cake and cookie basket, finding the corner of a folded piece of paper sticking out of the wicker; it's oil-tinged and covered in splotches of pasta sauce.

**HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, ROOMIE!**

**Here's to 3 more years...an' counting?**

**Yours—J.**

Jensen frowns because his calculations always told him that the day isn't until—as he steps to the calendar on the wall, he figures out today's date has his own handwriting declaring this date as the day.

christ...how had a full week gone by so fast?

Jensen rubs over his face, sliding around his neck as he feels even worse for screeching at Jared. He concentrates on the calendar, flipping back to last month and then the following month; he's stunned by how turned around he has become with dates. Plus the fact he has some type of yellow sticky note with a conference date in Tampa, Florida, on the weekend of Jared's birthday. 

Was the sticky note there and note written on the day's block because Jensen hadn't decided yet or...to give Jared the bad news? 

For the life of him, Jensen draws a blank. He heads over to cut a slice of cake for himself, grabs a beer and starts to head down the hallway to walk outside to enter the garage and relax with Jason and Steve.

==&&==&&==&&==

All three of them were jamming on their acoustics; Jason as lead with Steve and Jensen doing harmonies. At some point, Jensen stops singing, unable to prevent himself from continuing to glance over at the empty couch in front of them; the couch that Jared would usually drape across or lay over, if he's home and knows they're playing in the garage. A few times, Jensen had watched Jared fall asleep on it, somehow lulled by the music or their voices, maybe they had bored him to cure a bout of insomnia.

Jensen loves watching Jared slumber, because he likes the look of the way Jared lays on his stomach. Even in a couch, the boy took up major space, but sometimes he tucks into a huddle and sleeps; on a bed, he was merciless, leaving absolutely no room for a bed partner. Well, with the exception of Dex...Jensen snorts with a laugh.

“ ** _Earth To Jensen!_** ” Jason makes a megaphone out of both hands.

“...oh, god...sorry, sorry...did I play the wrong chords again?”

Steve shakes his head, saddened, leaning back on elbows. “Why don't you just go back inside the house and check on your boy...”

“He's not my—anything.”

Jason snortles out a laugh, looking at Steve with a roll of both of their eyes. “He's the first one you've actually let close enough to care, Jen.”

Steve scratches at the side of his nose. “—the first one I know that's actually making you consider being a Top...rather than a bottom bitch...”

Jason plays a few fast chords like he's doing heavy metal. “ ** _...yeoaaawww! I'm not yourrr...booot-tuuum bitch, bay-beee!_** ” He taps his chin and picks up a pen to pretend to write lyrics.

Steve softly chuckles as he glances back at Jensen who simply stares numbly at the floor. “Get back in there an' tend to him, man...he's all alone—an' in pain...”

Jason starts to play some weepy, twangy music.

“He's not a wounded animal. He gets migraines like this all the time...jus' stress an' all...”

“...yeah, an' you said he took his pills an' he's still not rid of the pain. Go, Jen...” Steve is almost kicking Jensen out of his chair with his booted foot. “...you do us no good here, if you can't stop thinkin' 'bout him...”

Jason lifts his chin with a nod in agreement with Steve. “One more longing look at that damn couch...I'm gonna write it a sad love song...”

“...please don't...” Jensen shuts his lids and almost says it like a prayer.

Jason and Steve snicker as they mutually nod their head toward one another.

“You guys are more than welcome to stay as long as you need.” Jensen puts his acoustic guitar in the floor stand, pocketing his pick. He untucks his glasses from the shirt to unbend the arms, placing them back over his eyes. “I may or may not be back.”

“We won't wait on you then.”

“...'night, Jen.”

“...see you boys tomorrow.”

“Give Jared our love an' kisses...”

Jensen closes the door on their conjoined little-boy snickering.

==&&==&&==&&==

The first thing Jensen does is try to find the ring of keys in the catch-all drawer in the kitchen, just in case Jared had tried to lock him out. He tucks a finger through the keyring, then palms the whole set. He notices that the cordless phone antennae blinks red to show there's a message on the machine. Jensen frowns, going over to press the button to play saved messages.

There's a fast rewind, then the sound of Jensen's own recorded voice to leave name, number and who they wanted to reach. The beep follows and then a clear, deep voice says...

“ ** _...Jay...duuude...Aldis jus' called me. I, uh...I don't know what to say, man. Speechless is all I am....well, is there anything any of us who knows how much Pops means to you can say to make this any easier? Eh, don't think so. In a couple of days, I'll get the brothers together an' we're coming down to be with you. Hear that? All of us...me, Aldis, Chad and Milo. You need family aroun' you at a time like this. We're your brothers an' we're here for you, whatever you need. Look...I'll call you tomorrow if I don't hear from you tonight, Jay...love you, man..._** ”

Jensen roots stiff to the kitchen floor. Pops?! Jared's gran' father?...the one who owns and operates his own small-time neighborhood grocery downtown? The one that Jared still works at four days a week? What the hell? Why hadn't Jared said anything? Was this the reason for the stress migraine?

Jensen bolts into action. He starts boiling water in a tea kettle and puts a pot on the stove to simmer a packet of flavored noodles in a poultry sauce, like a chicken broth. He places a ceramic bowl on a bigger plate, getting spoon and fork; he takes the plate to center the bowl as he pulls out the thin wheat-grain toast, sparsely covered in sea salt—fancy soup crackers, is all they are. He breaks off a few squares, placing them around the bowl.

While water boils and noodles cook, Jensen goes into his bedroom to find the breakfast-in-bed tray he has, then he steps into his bathroom to see what he has in his medicine cabinet for pain. He already knows what he'll do for Jared, but he has to make sure there are other options. Pacing quickly out of his room, he places the tray on the table, the bowl and plate go dead center and the huge mug for tea to the right. Jensen brings out his own private stash of tea bags, having hidden them long ago so nobody will assume they were regular tea bags. As the kettle whistles and the noodles expand and soften, Jensen finishes preparing everything to make his way down to Jared's part of the house.

There's very little lighting, but at least it's not dark. Jensen can see his way past open rooms and closed doors to the one paneling he chooses to knock on. He waits, hears nothing, then tries the knob. It easily turns in his grip like he believed it would have. The only illumination is from the bathroom and the moonlight pouring in through the double windows. Jensen doesn't immediately look to the bed, there's no telling what state of undress he'll find Jared in. He puts the tray down, closer to the side of the room where he knows Jared sleeps on.

The room itself isn't the usual tornado of disaster he'll sometimes find it as Jared's one to undress all over the place, leaving clothes strewn in his wake. Jared also likes to sit naked, or barely-clad, anywhere in his room and seek pleasure, whether it be solo, with one partner or multiples. Jared isn't shy or bashful about his rampant sexuality or the fact he enjoys being a Bottom. Jensen understands as he considers himself one as well, even when he's been with women. He just doesn't have the confidence built-in to Top, never thinking he will either. Until he had started living with Jared.

Jared...doesn't have to do much, just be “Jared” and Jensen is off in some far-fetched fantasy where he's a dominant Top and Jared's his docile and submissive Bottom; of course, it's only when Jared's fully aroused that the true nature of his beast comes out and Bottom wants to act a little more Toppy, making demands to being fucked good and hard, begging to have his hole ravaged as he...

...the soft snore in the air breaks Jensen out of his trance and causes him to feel the flush course through his body. Yeah, so, without being aware, two years have gone by knowing Jared Padalecki, and the first month of living in the house, he is admiring Jared's backside and wishing he could strip off clothes anywhere he finds him, then plow right into that ass. Jared hadn't been any different than he had when he lived over the garage, and Jensen occasionally saw him, getting to know the younger man a bit at a time. Jared had been a little much at times, but then Jensen hadn't been used to people—even loved ones—invading his personal space so easily.

Jared hadn't been ashamed of his body, scantily clad in just underwear—boxers, briefs or only a pair of soft sleepwear pants riding low off trim hips to show off the line of dark chest hair trickling down into pubic hair, making it known Jared wore nothing underneath. Jared had liked to touch or brush up against someone, anyone; he'd never met a stranger he didn't try to hug first. Jared had often been overly affectionate with his own family and friends. Actually, once he got to know you, it was best not to turn your back on him because he would glomp over you from behind, hugging and draping his tall frame over you and sharing his constant warmth and his penchant for making one feel like you were the only person existing in his world. Jared's favorite mode of attack was in the kitchen—the more cramped the space, the better because then no one had to excuse or “pardon me” why butts brushed or groins skimmed backsides. If you tried to cook or pour a bowl of cereal, did the dishes or simply made a mug of hot tea or coffee...expect to be snatched from behind, imprisoned against the kitchen ledges and cabinetry with no easy mode of escape until you repaid Jared in kind. You didn't have to turn around and force yourself to embrace Jared....nah, sometimes all it took was patting those massive forearms pinned against you, then say, “...hi, Jared.”...or “...mornin'/afternoon/evenin', Jared.”...sometimes “g'night” or “g'bye”

For someone like Jensen, Jared Padalecki had been a walking and talking embarrassing nightmare—only on Jensen's end, not Jared's. No matter how many times Jensen had cringed or averted his face and head, trying to look elsewhere and attempt not to find Jared absolutely endearing...he couldn't find a reason to not keep Jared around. Just because Jensen had been unsettled, or uncomfortable, didn't mean Jared had to curb himself or tame his genuine likability. Jared hadn't been an in-your-face person...rude, cruel or abhorrently perverse. Jared had seen boundaries and he never crossed them. If he had found out people didn't appreciate his realness, he would back off, didn't pursue the perpetual teasing.

Jensen assumes it was easier when Jared had been outside of the house, living above the garage. Having him permanently in the house, downstairs on the first floor...being exactly who he had always been started to give Jensen these crazy-ass thoughts of actually taking Jared...actually acting on all those subtle hints at sex or intimacy. Jensen had some idea he'd be better at this or maybe he had thought it would be obvious what he should do once Jared had been in his house 24/7.

That first month had been all right. Jared had some annoying daily habits that Jensen had tried to work with, then eventually talk Jared through about what they could agree on as a new rule. Jared had still wandered around in briefs or lounge pants with no underwear, but then sometimes Jensen had company over he had been trying to impress and it wasn't easy to...A.) tell his guests Jared was not his boyfriend...B.) tell his guests Jared wasn't his sexual plaything...C.) tell his guest that “no, I'm not gonna give him your number”...

The moments in the kitchen had seemed to intensify. Jared had gotten the idea in his head that moving into the house also had meant he had “arrived”—he had been considered Jensen's new best friend. And Jared had begun to assume that he would always be invited to things or that he would, at least, be considered to have been invited. That there had developed an instant closeness to Jensen that would give him carte blanche. This had taken longer to make Jared aware that he could always be asked to move out as easily as any complete stranger off the street. His move to the house had given him no leverage over anybody.

Second month arrived, Jared had made himself scarce, barely even home. His close-knit group of guy friends—his “brothers”—had been over more often, down in Jared's part of the house and sometimes out on the deck outdoors—only fitting since they had been the ones to “gift” Jensen by building it in one weekend when Jared had lived over the garage. Jensen had liked every single “brother” of Jared's, and Jared had been gracious to include Jensen in a lot of their group activity. Even in that second month, when Jensen had felt like an ass for how cold and unfeeling he had been with Jared, while Jared simply stepped back into the distance, but never took away his warmth or friendliness, just tamped down his “Jared”-dial in front of Jensen. And, oddly, Jensen had become sad to see it vanish, never knowing how much that “Jared”-ness just radiated the whole house and entered his body. 

Halfway through the second month, Jensen had plans to re-mortgage the house. He had needed Jared to help him out with the visits from the property appraiser to the new loan with the bank and...it's was like every chore Jensen had given Jared for the week had been some monumental task that would ruin Jared's reputation. Jared had figured Jensen had wanted all those tiny details done to perfection, then he should do them himself—save Jared and Jensen the shameful moment where Jared's being dragged this way and that way to be told how to clean and dust, mop and sweep. Because Jared, apparently, at 28 hadn't been able to load the dishwasher correctly: utensils always down not up, lest we blindly reach inside and sever our whole entire hand off. Jared would be away that weekend; leave on Friday to come back late on Sunday...Jensen would have a nice chunk of twenty-four hours to clean and fix anything downstairs that Jared had managed to dirty or break in the month-n-a-half of living in the house. Jensen could complete all the minor duties he had been giving Jared for a solid week, because on Monday the appointment for the appraiser would be there the next day.

The first floor had not been the disaster area Jensen had feared; there were a few items that should be in the bedroom that Jensen picked up and carried with him. Jared's bedroom would be the last plan of attack. When he dropped the lube, dirty towels and array of sex toys on the bed, little did Jensen realize what a treasure trove of playthings he'd find placed around the bedroom itself. Jared had seemed to have a lot of corners he had liked to sit in and just masturbate or make himself finish coming. The amount of towels and washcloths Jared had gone through, not to mention the dirty or soiled boxers and briefs...Jensen had learned just how much Jared enjoyed bottoming...just how freaky and perverted his roommate could be when he had been alone. To this day, Jensen won't forget coming upon the monster cock suctioned to the wall of the glass encased shower stall. Looking at it had actually made his own ass twitch, then he had become hard simply thinking about Jared...naked, bent on his knees, body dripping water droplets, hair drenched and dangling over his face as shaking hands reached back to hold the domed head of the shaft with first insertions...

Did Jared pound right away? Or was it a slow crawl, hoping to massage the prostate?

Yeah, Jensen had amassed quite a dresser drawer-full of dildos, strap-on belts, vibrators, cock rings, anal plugs and always, never failing to have a large bottle of lubrication. Jensen hadn't even guesstimated toward Jared's own cock size. Probably big and bulky...long and wide...but circumcised or uncircumcised? hmm...he had known Jared was a Catholic, but that would mean nothing these days.

Jensen could no longer remain inside the bedroom or he would spontaneously combust. After picking up around the bathroom, adding more to laundry pile and the sex toy drawer...he saved vacuuming the bedroom carpeting and cleaning up the bathroom for later. But he had managed to look toward Jared's bed, where the weirdest thing was always found taking up space, under covers or on top of the blankets. Jared had a huge, freaking stuffed teddy bear from his childhood he couldn't seem to part with; the teddy's given name was “Poindexter”, but as a child, Jared had called him “Dexter” or “Dex”, for short. He had truly been the only bed partner Jensen ever found in Jared's bed that was a constant. And Jared, though definitely bigger than Dex, would often used the stuffed toy like a large body pillow, often draping himself across the sewn-together body to sleep, sometimes even cuddling into the huge, fluffy arms to feel a little less lonely...Jensen always assumed. He had allowed Jared that indulgence because no one had to explain why a cute cuddly teddy bear, the size of a small pony, graced your bed.

Jared had returned that Sunday, but had headed right back out again, Work, at his gran'father's grocery—where Jared still was a stock boy and bagger to the neighborhood's loyal customers. Jensen hadn't gotten to see Jared until after the appraiser left, then all the tension had evaporated and he had felt freer, less nerve-wracked and a lot more friendly toward Jared than he was used to. Jensen had respectfully offered to make him breakfast or lunch, but all Jared had wanted was a shower and blissful, uninterrupted sleep for the next few hours. But he wouldn't mind having food ready when he would wake. Jensen had taken that to mean, “I'll eat whatever you cook for me”; Jensen had done very little cooking, just reheating as he had taken off the whole day from work and had gone about his usual Monday routines: curling up in the living room, watching marathons of old TV shows while he shuffled through weekly bills to pick out the ones that needed attention close to their due dates. 

Jared begrudgingly had woken after only three hours of sleep, coming to the second floor in nothing but boxers and an old quilt he wrapped around him like a cape. He had mumbled, “...can' get back to sleep” and then dropped to the cushiony decadence of Jensen's living room couch. Jensen had offered to cook Jared his food, but had gotten no response as Jared had drifted off that quickly, on his back with the quilt tangled about him, his head twisted toward the back cushions with hands resting on the deeply breathing chest. Jensen had stood to stretch his legs, had wanted to get a drink and a snack, and had wandered over to bring down another, thicker blanket from the back of the couch to cover Jared better from the cool air of the house air conditioner. He had combed through the mussed brown locks, finding them so soft and silky to touch; Jared had moaned a little from the slight scalp massage. Then Jensen had brushed knuckles down the strong jawline, caressing stubble and had traced down throat to press against collar bone and upper left breast; Jared had been radiating his usual warmth burning hotter while slumbering. 

Jensen had wished he could freely crawl under there just to burrow...both of them lazing the late afternoon away just hanging out, being in the other's presence. He had to force himself to walk away; Jared had woken two hours later, a bit more refreshed and ravenous. Jensen hadn't been able to deny he had the most uncomfortable semi-erection he hadn't been able to get rid of, while he had peeked at and listened to Jared sleep, tossing and turning on the couch. He hadn't been crude enough to sit there and jerk off in his overstuffed chair, nor had he been the kind of guy who would need to quell every sexual ache to a full-blown orgasm. He actually hadn't minded the stiffy under his clothes as long as he hadn't become more aroused to leak pre-come. Thankfully, Jared had felt less in need of parading around half-nude as he had left to change into clothes. Jensen had wondered if Jared had popped a similar boner while dreaming because it had taken Jared quite a long time to come back and start helping Jensen cook dinner.

With the third month steadily approaching, and their third Anniversary as roommates, Jensen has been able to see now how everything is culminating at once, coming to the surface. There's still a chance Jared will get an evaluation by Jensen he doesn't like, possibly kicked out or given thirty days to improve himself to be re-evaluated. Jensen isn't able to explain why he tests Jared's limits, because he doesn't plan on kicking Jared out nor will he give him a terrible evaluation. Maybe it's because, despite every effort by Jensen, Jared has managed to whittle his way into Jensen's heart...his body and mind already pretty “gone” for the guy.

He begins in the bathroom with a small clean-up, then works his way into the bedroom. He piles dirty clothes respectably in their designated bins: colors, whites and towel and sheets. And then he spares Jared's huge California King bed a glance. Jensen smiles because Jared is o-u-t...OUT, sprawled across poor Dex like there aren't ten other good-enough pillows to use, covers are pulled up to lower back, right arm is drawn to chest as left arm tries to hug the bear right back. Jared isn't even on his mattress; he's all over Dex with his head tucked into plushness. Jensen feels the last bits of his heart crumble and fly away. There isn't a doubt in his mind now that he wants Jared, that he will pursue Jared and that Jared will be receptive to his want of him, which is gradually becoming a need. Most likely for both of them.

Jensen forgets about cleaning and decides to bring over the tray, leaving it on the floor so he can reach it as he takes a spot on the mattress. He calmly sits bedside, purposefully bumping his bottom into Jared's hip and thigh. Jared doesn't budge, sleeping like the dead. Great, because maybe that migraine pill finally kicked in. Hand planted on the bed, Jensen hovers over the naked back, bring up his right hand to start soothing his knuckles up and down the spine. This feels intimate and kind of erotic—despite the bear's plastic eyes hovering above them. Jensen bends in to nuzzle and sniff at Jared's back and neck. Jensen briefly gets up to check which night stand drawer the lotion is kept—not the same as lube, but good in a pinch. He brings out the “value-size” bottle and pumps out a few squirts into his palms. He lotions his hands, warms his own skin, then rolls his sleeve cuffs up to his elbows; he'll pour out more lotion once he starts gently massaging Jared, beginning from the lumbar region up to the back of the hairline.

He lowers the covers to the upper curves of the ass and finds Jared is in white briefs, not tight, rather loose-fitting cotton that reach a little down his upper thighs. White looks delicious on Jared's skin, making him appear darker complected when he really isn't. Jensen presses both thumbpads to the tailbone, then starts to ride upward as he kneads along the way. Puffs of breath with soft moans emit from Jared's lips and he begins to fidget, wanting to curl his body, not lay straight. Jensen climbs onto the bed, straddling Jared, giving him a better angle for massaging. He works up and down the back muscles, across shoulder blades and the broad shoulder bones to the rounded joints. Soon Jared wakes, shifting to sensing the knots being worked out of his back and neck.

“...christ...whatta way to wake me...” Jared makes his arms go limp.

Jensen leans in, knuckles down on the mattress. “How's the head?” He tenderly combs through the strands with his left hand, soothing over the nape and side of the neck.

Jared twists with a half-smile. “...could go for a head massage, with the stuff you jus' did on neck and shoulders.”

“...good...stay there...I'll start on the back here, then get you to turn over to work on the top of your head. I don't want you to sit upright yet...blood'll rush to your head, make your brain pound inside your skull through your ears. Keeping you horizontal 'til you've been up a little longer.” He bends to an ear. “I have some food and hot tea for you, but...I won't give it to you 'til you're facing me.”

“...wan' me on the bed—uh, mattress?”

“nah...stay on Dex...you look too comfortable...”

“He is. I am.” Jared moves his head back to plant into the bear's chest/tummy area.

Jensen goes for more lotion, but only for the pressure points he'll push into around neck and shoulders. With Jared awake, more noises fall past his parting lips...he sighs and deep breathes louder, but for the most part they sound like pleasant relief, more than anything. The scalp massage uses no lotion, just a series of combing and sifting through Jared's hair, then pressing into the main stress areas of the whole head; on top, along the back of the skull, and then right where spinal chord connects. Jensen ends this phase with some slight massaging over the front of the ears to the sideburns and then around the backs of the lobes.

“all right...turn...but keep your head steady.” Jensen shifts away to give Jared some room to move and adjust his body.

Jared just holds his head on Dex's chest and flips around to land on his back. “...whoa...” That simple effort made him woozy, which was strange to feel laying down. Jared closes his eyes; his vision going double blurred...then he feels the hand combing his hair again. He sighs in utter contentment. “...you really don't have to do this.” He lifts his hand to clamp around Jensen's wrist. He clears his throat and opens lids.

“...yes, I do. I, uh...unfairly tore you a new a-hole—on purpose.” Jensen shrugs one shoulder. “You would think with the way I act at other people—men...I'd be a Top.” He shakes his head sadly, pouting.

Jared pets up the arm. “I understand, though. The need for distance to not care...never care...” Then he's feeling moisture gather in his eyes. “...here—is a good example.” Jared points an index finger hard at his eyes. “Can't stop doing this. At all. Any moment I have a second of thought—boom! Waterworks kick in.”

Jensen drops his eyes to start massaging over Jared's forehead and temple. “Christian called. I listened to the message. Why didn't you tell me something happened to your gran'father?”

Jared shuffles his head around in a mock of a shake for “no. I got no fuckin' clue”; his face goes red and eyes water as he averts his gaze. “...sucks to be old...”

Jensen knows what Jared means but he's going to try and lighten things up. “You're 29, Jared...not 80.”

Jared twists to stare at Jensen. “I don't mind myself getting a year older...it's learning too late how old Pops gets right along with me.”

Jensen pulls his hands away and nods in understanding. “What do you wanna try first? Tea...or the noodles I made you?”

Jared leans a little over the side to peek. “...awwww...you made me wa-hoo! soup...” He wiggles his butt like a little kid.

“Wa-oo...” When Jensen says it again it sounds like “way-oo”, but of course when Jared repeats it...it's like saying “yahoo”, but with a “w”. He slides a finger along Jared's cheek, seeing the hazel eyes flash wide at being caressed like he's precious. Jensen makes the choice for Jared, bringing the mug and spoon up. He scoops out a good amount of dark liquid, holding it out for Jared to lean forward and slurp.

“mmm...that tastes—nnnn...like fruit...orange or tangerine...”

“It's a citrus-blend tea. Don't rack your brain to figure out the spices.”

Jared smiles as he lays back into Dex's short bear arms. “You broke into your private stash for me.”

“...you knew I had a stash of tea?”

“I know a lot about you...you wouldn't think I've pay attention to.”

“You do, huh?'

“...uh-huh...like...watching me sleep...”

“—says the man in the arms of an extremely large overstuffed teddy bear. Even when you sleep, you're still so—you.”

“...huh?” Jared snickers, lifting a brow in confusion.

“You're uniquely you. No definitions of you...you're just—' _Jared_ '. I haven't been able to say you're ' _like_ ' so-n-so...or ' _that guy I vomited on in college who used to like me_ '...”

“awww...Jen...” Jared reaches out to soothe Jensen's arm, hating to hear how he upchucked on a guy who crushed on him. It was both cute and heartbreaking.

“See...right there.” Jensen points at Jared. “You didn't let me finish my thought and you touch me and give me your empathy like I'm the one who needs tending to. That's been over a decade ago. I'm over it.”

Jared thinks he understands, but he still wants to console Jensen. It's rare he lets him close enough to touch for long periods of time. “Still...awww...Jen-sen...”

Jensen spoon-feeds Jared more tea while side-eying him. “...oh-kay, so I like watching you sleep...what of it?”

Jared works his fingers under Jensen's hand, taking the mug handle so he can sip on his own. “mmm...did you put crack or heroin in this?”

Jensen keeps the spoon as he softly snickers, suddenly he wants to kiss and nuzzle Jared, cuddle him like Dex is cuddling Jared. “ ** _...no-ah!_** ” He sucks on the spoon to sample the citrusy aftertaste, then he leans over to put the spoon on the saucer. “Ready to try the noodles?”

“mmm—lemme digest the scrumptious tea—thanks, man...it's hitting the spot.”

“Anytime. I need to start makin' amends to you for earlier...christ, had I known you left here to go see your gran'father. I don't know, still probably woulda nagged at you.” Jensen's been bending over as he talks, and when he comes back up, Jared's upright and giving him the empty mug. “well...”

Jared darts his eyes around Jensen's face, gentle hands to a shoulder. “What is _this_? What are you _really_ doing here?” He quiets and goes serious as he sees Jensen turn away and let out a harsh sigh. “I get the whole ' _amends_ ' thing, but...you're a guy who likes his own privacy...keeps to his personal space, yet...you don't feel the need to keep those boundaries when it comes to me. I can look, but can't touch and—what?...'cuz they're your rules, they don't ever apply to you?”

“I think I'm struggling with something...”

“About me?”

 

**== &&==&&==&&==**   
**TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

“...yes...and it's not about the damn contract or evaluation, because I'm not kicking you out.”

“ ** _YaY!_** ” Jared does a mini-clap for himself, laughing because he notices Jensen's smile and twist to avoid his eyes. “...sorry...I'm bein' ' _Jared_ ' again.”

Jensen places a hand on Jared's bent knee. “nah-no...it's cool...sometimes it's exactly what I need.”

“Need...” Jared says the word like it's tough to say. “You find you ' _need_ ' ' _Jared_ ', from me...a little.”

Jensen shrugs and smiles over his shoulder at Jared. “I have no other explanation to go by to why you've lasted this long. I'm about to extend your stay in the house...without even bothering with an evaluation.”

“No eval? But how will I know if I'm what you want, or need—” Jared winks as he attempts to trap Jensen in a question. “—in a roommate?...see what I did there?”

“yeah, I did...an' I do—take out the ' _roommate_ ' stuff—I do want...and need you...Jared...not the ' _Jared_ '-Jared of you, but you ' _comma_ ' Jared, as I speak to you as a human person...” Jensen swipes over his face, then around his nape and neck. “...and this is how it starts...” He rolls his hand around his churning belly.

“...you promise not to vomit on me?” Jared tucks his leg to slide close to Jensen's side.

Jensen closes his eyes and deep breathes, then leans toward Jared who places his chin on his shoulder; they merge brows. “I get nervous...inexplicably so, when it comes to intimacy or sex...whomever I'm with.,”

Jared sighs, laying his cheek down. “...poor, poor, Jen...” He brings up his hands to livingly scratch over Jensen's back. “I must've been an utter nightmare for you.” Jared chuckles to himself. “...you move me in the house, now I'm at your mercy an' you can domesticate me. Different when I'm in your face 24/7 and you see how flawed I really am.”

“I don't see them as flaws or turn-offs. They're, like, achievements. I mean...knowing what I now know about you and your childhood...you should be exactly like me, but you're not.”

“I was for a while...but Pops and, uh...well, Chris, first, as he was the ' _big brother_ ' assigned to me. But then I got to know Aldis...Milo, then Chad—all through the program. You see how much they embrace my, uhm...eccentricities.”

“hehehe...I used to see you, walking them out...hanging off their backs in nothin' but your boxers and just think...' _fuck...another one night stand_ '. Then they kept showing up, hanging out. I figured you were all, like, this circle jerk of fuck buddies.”

They both enjoy a hearty laugh over that fact.

“Day-um! So I'm kind of a slut in your mind, aren't I?”

“Your bedroom and bathroom don't help dissuade me any.”

“ ** _One time, Jen!_** One time I accidentally leave my Kong Dong on the shower wall...”

Now they're both punching and poking, while chuckling deeply at one another.

“How do you even get that thing alllll the way in?”

“Deep breathing...an' a lot of lube...” Jared snickers as he wraps his arms around Jensen loosely. “awww...look at you...sharing my pain with me. Don't worry, I have never been able to take it alllll the way in...just an inch or two before it stretches me wide enough where I'm so fuckin' horny I simply shoot...”

“ _...God!_ ” Jensen buries his blushing face in a hand. “I can't even fathom...”

Jared soothes a hand across Jensen's nape and shoulders. “Is it anal sex that pains you or...you just don't like foreplay—being touched?...kinda, uh...fuck-me-and-get-it-overwith guy?”

Jensen can't even talk about it as normally as Jared seems to be able to. “...lay down, please. On Dex or a pillow. Your head has to be pounding.” He shifts to reach up and touch the back of his hand on Jared's brow. “You feelin' okay?”

Jared lays back on Dex, but he keeps hold of Jensen's hand and arm, holding it to his chest. “...c'mon...talk to me...let me in so I can help you. I'm probably the one person you can do this with, who will understand, who won't run screaming about butt sex.”

“I might be the one screaming soon.”

“Are you ashamed or embarrassed by your body? You shouldn't be. You're actually the type of guy I'd go for...probably why I liked you instantly when you put up that flier. I had been checking you out, hoping to get a hook-up. Instead, I got a place to live and affordable rent.”

“I didn't see you 'til you stood right behind me. I was afraid to advertise in public to strangers.”

“I could tell. I'd never been through an interview process for an apartment before, but...your house, your rules.

“So...the contract never bothered you?”

“No. I was thankful to find a place so quickly, that I could afford. And it's a good location to the club and Pop's place.”

“You don't still bounce at the club, do you?”

“Sometimes, when they need extra security or a body to fill a spot when someone's sick or on vacation.”

“You've had quite a few jobs, even in the 2 years I've known you.”

“I haven't found my niche yet. Plus...just always had a fall back with Pops...” Jared goes silent, eyes filling again. “...damn...”

Jensen brings over his other hand to clamp around, soothing Jared's skin. “What happened?”

“Stroke. They thought it was a heart attack. He's awake, but in pain.”

“...shit...is he—I know sometimes they can become paralyzed on one side. He's not, is he?”

“No...thank God...although he's slower at doin' everything.” Jared takes his hands back to wipe at his eyes. He smiles a little. “He has a really cute elderly female companion who volunteers at the store. I think it's his ' _girlfriend_ ', but he won't tell me if she is or isn't.”

“...go, Pops...” Jensen snickers liking the sounds of “companionship” better than “relationship”. “Noodles?”

“...oh, yes...please...” Jared sits upright a little more, tucking Dex a bit higher behind him. He points to the teddy bear. “Did I ever tell you the story of how I got Dex?”

Jensen hands Jared the cooled bowl, then keeps the plate of toast. Jared grabs for one piece to munch on. “No...no...you haven't. I simply assumed it was special to you as a kid.”

“yeah...the short version. Pops won it for me. Not at, like, a fair or a carnival, but a raffle. It was as we had those ' _family sessions_ ' where the foster care system would evaluate how good of a parent he'd be, despite being a 60-something year old.”

“...oh. c'mon...family is family. At least your case worker found him.”

“uh-huh...I didn't wanna leave him, kept crying buckets when they'd make me leave his sessions. He was having some kind of raffle or giveaway at the grocery and...the tickets had all sold like hot cakes—these are ' _his_ ' words not mine—and when it came time to draw the ticket, there was only one in the bowl...his. See, Pops had been admiring Dex at the store, in the back where his office was. Wanted to buy one like it for me, kind of a Pop-sized teddy bear I could hold, if I ever needed him and we couldn't be together...” Jared's eating but he's letting tears fall. Jensen tries to wipe them, then moves to get some tissues. “The neighborhood had rallied to buy every ticket, donating the money to the store and gifting Pops gran'son—moi...with...you know who...” He gestures behind him with his head briefly then puts down the bowl to blow his nose.

“I like that story. Dex has to be the one thing I've loved about your room.”

“oh? An' what else has piqued your interest?” Jared lets his hand trail down his body like he's on display.

Jensen just stares, unsmiling, knowing how it makes Jared antsy.

“sorry...that was ' _Jared_ ' again. I'll stop. This feels serious.”

“...christ...I don't mean to be, but I need it to be. I don't feel like wasting my time...or yours...you know?”

“yeah, I do. I'm not...I haven't seen anyone on a permanent basis for, uhm...” Jared spins the utensil to collect more noodles. “...almost 5 years.”

“Really? Not even anonymous sex?”

“eh..yeah, a cute guy at the club. Someone I meet at a coffeehouse. Or, uh...online.”

“Seriously? You do the ' _online_ ' hook-ups?”

“No joke.”

“You brought them here?”

“Hell no. But, actually...haven't been with anybody since that first year I was living in the loft.”

“...come on...nooo...” Jensen has a tough time believing this for a fact. “You've been abstinent?”

“I've been...exploring my body...”

“oh, god...” Jensen snorts out a hearty laugh at even the thought of all that he's found in Jared's own personal space to bring that fact home. “...tell me 'bout it.”

Jared solidly punches Jensen. “Plus...I don't know. I just grew out of that whole scene. I didn't want to have you think of me any less than you actually considered me to be.”

“You're only been with yourself? All this time?”

“...yeah...why?”

“I haven't been with anyone steady or anonymous for 7 years.”

“...jesus...who are we, huh? Why don't we represent our sexuality better?”

“I don't know.” Jensen lets his hand trail up Jared's leg. “I find it sexy that you stopped while living here, makes me think you couldn't be with any other once you saw me.”

Jared puts down his bowl, crossing an arm over his body to hold his wrist. “Maybe I did—I do still have a crush on you, from when we first met. Then your prickly prudishness while you ' _interviewed'_ me.”

Jensen rolls his eyes at how awful he's been to relate to another human being. “I thought I was being innovative with this dumb contract and evaluation thing. I kept ruining good relationships with my ' _prickly prudishness_ '...” He actually likes that description as it's particularly spot-on.

“I liked it...'cuz I know it's not you.”

“You do?”

“Yup. This...” Jared motions between their bodies. “...right here in front of me, trying to feel me up over the covers...tha's the real you...”

“I don't even know what the real me is. You'll have to introduce me sometimes.” Jensen looks down as Jared covers his hand.

“I think I know why you're here now.”

“You do?”

Jared chuckles because Jensen's already said that once before. “You kinda crush on me. And—you really, really, really...wanna be where Dex is right now, don't you?”

Jensen drops his eyes to watch Jared's finger caress over his hand. “I wanna be wherever you are...right now, it's under those covers. Dex is your problem, up to you where you want him.”

Jared sits upright and pulls the huge bear out from behind his back to toss him through the air to land in the distance on the floor. “We'll find him a new place to sit. He can't have the bed anymore when I'm in it. It's time for me to trade in for a really real human being.” He backs up to relax on pillows against the headboard, pulling on Jensen's hands. He can feel Jensen hesitate. “What?”

“I don't know. I had this fantasy in my mind, playing out once I started massaging you.”

“What? Tell me...”

“I wanted you to come out from the covers...lay your head in my lap, while I worked intensely on your face—well, where the pain is for your migraine...”

“...uh-huh...liking this so far...”

“I think it's only fair that I be as undressed as you are.”

“...kinky, slightly erotic...what else?”

“Don't know...thought I'd leave that up to you.”

“mmm...that should never be an option for me. I'll abuse it.”

“I trust you.”

“You shouldn't.”

“I will anyway.”

Jared watches Jensen draw back to stand. It's still very clear to him how uncomfortable Jensen is about being naked at all, even if it's just a whisk of shirt and pants to come off and being confident in his semi-nudeness. Jared crawls out from under sheets, waddling on knees to fall on hands and knees to sit on the side of the bed, facing Jensen's turned back. It arouses Jared that, though a year or two older, Jensen has such a cautious and inexperienced way about him that speaks of someone newly exploring their own sexuality. Seven years is a long time to wait, but then again...Jared hadn't exactly been heavily promiscuous for five years, so it wasn't that difficult to make sex less important. He wants to do so much more than just sit here, but he's afraid Jensen will bolt or he'll wake to find this isn't real. One thing he can't do is touch or grab for Jensen without him making a move first. He's noticed that since waking, it's been easier to not pounce all over Jensen but allow him to conduct the moment; be patient enough, Jensen will show him what he wants, what he needs.

Jared swings his legs over, feeling just enough woozy not to stand, but rights himself with a dull ache clouding over him. Jensen leans over to pull at socks and tug at the cuffs of each pant leg, then he's folding the clothes he's taken off like he's packing them away. Jared sits and waits, not sure what Jensen's next move will be. He has to flinch because when those green eyes twirl to face him—looming over him as Jensen approaches—he notices how they darken and shift when it's apparent Jensen is aroused. It would be easier to avert his gaze to peek at the groin, but the eyes have always been what draws Jared in. It's good that he does look at the face and not the crotch or else he would never have seen the pure fear or the need for reassurances. Jared lets one hand go off the mattress to hold out, palm up, to Jensen, who grips his fingers like a lifeline. Jared swallows hard, never truly being with someone who undeniably needed him, not just in the physical sense but in the mental and emotional one as well. Jared opens his legs to draw Jensen in, having him keep standing, though the head bows and the eyes keep averting. Jared goes from holding hand to placing hand on shoulder to feel its solid clutch, then to clamping hands around the span of the waist. He brings Jensen closer to rest his face against the chest wall; he's not moving at all, only resting. Jared won't make another big move unless Jensen does.

Jensen keeps squeezing Jared's shoulders, expecting more once his hips are cupped, but then Jared just rests his face on him. He's reminded of the pain, the migraine he's been tending to, so his hand starts to soothe over the back of the shoulder, then down the fan of the blade, coming back up to cup the nape, dipping under dark locks. Jensen feels the tufts of breath blow out over his bare skin and he dips to press a kiss at the crown, fingers sifting through to massage the scalp. Jared seems to sink deep into his body, one hand removed so one whole massive arm can swing around and embrace. He senses Jared want to lift and swivel, dipping him onto the bed, so he bends his right knee to land and balance himself. Jensen notices Jared keep himself held lower, simply for the moment Jensen sits so he can place his head in his lap. Jensen wants to see Jared's face; it's one of the things he likes most about Jared, besides the smoking hot body and the mane of long locks, the humor, the laughter...the warmth, the unconditional friendship no matter Jensen's attitude or treatment of him—basically all the components that make him “Jared”. He drops to kiss hairline, smooth cheek on face then he's kissing over an eye and down the nose. He likes the airy laugh through nostrils as he nudges and nuzzles the face, the head and the hair.

Jensen can feel Jared shiver, but not from cold. Jensen finds it feels natural to control the moment with Jared, loves that Jared is open to him, so patient and willing. He kisses the cheek, coming close to the corner of the mouth, but then pressing his forehead into the side of the face—kissing is too intimate, Jensen needs to keep a safe distance for now even though Jared is ready, probably dying to have his mouth taken. Jensen pulls back, looming above again, watching Jared close his eyes, bite bottom lip and tamp down desires. So much easier to look at the hard-on he knows is under soft white cotton, he's no dummy...Jared's aroused by the slightest instance once he sets his mind in gear toward it. Jensen sinks down, ass on bed as his bent legs fan out from his body. He wants Jared to spin and sink down on his back; Jared wants to drop into Jensen's lap, right where he is, mainly because he eyes the bulge in the crotch and he smells the natural body odor coupled with a whiff of leftover cologne. Jensen decides to indulge Jared, see what comes of this choice.

Jared sticks out his whole body, in one straight line, on Jensen's right as he sinks his head to the thigh. He's facing the body, right cheek down and gaze falls right to groin level. He licks lips, blinks then feels the slide of the hand over shoulder, up the side of neck into hair; there's a slight pressure given and Jared nears the bulge he senses heat from. Face in crotch, mouth parted to skim over the hidden erection, the hand grips tight and Jared can hear the labored breathing; he brings up a hand to soothe over thighs as he closes his eyes and nuzzles, mouth moving up and down to work out the shaft to lay pointing to the left...

“...ohmygod...” Jensen bends forward, head landing on Jared's left biceps as he slinks the hand down the expanse of back. Good Bottoms give good head...he can only dream what Jared's lips around his cock will feel like, if this is any indication.

Jared draws back, turning his face to rest on the arm he brought up to place across Jensen's thighs. He's doing some even breathing through mouth and nostrils. “...whoa—mmm...”

Jensen draws upward, bringing hand up to shape over Jared's head. “Too much? Dizzy? Does your head hurt?”

“I wanna do so much more...no lie...it's like every fantasy I've had of you coming true, but...I don't wanna pussy-out and say ' _not tonight, dear. I have a headache_ '...” Jared clears his throat and goes back to deep breathing as he flips to turn onto his stomach and rest his cheek on Jensen's left thigh.

Jensen deeply chuckles, smoothing hands over skin on back and whole arm, then bending over to kiss the same areas. “You leave yourself at my mercy...my own fantasy come true...you, either waking from my tending to you or you falling to sleep while I tend to you—either way, I have you asleep...”

“ _I knew it!_ I could feel you watching me. Always. In the living room...in the couch in the garage loft, if I napped...I like feeling your gaze on me...drinking me in with your pretty green eyes.”

“I feel like a creeper if I stare for too long.”

“I don't mind it...and, since it's toward me, I should only matter, so don't stop.”

“...all right. I won't.”

“...my head's throbbing again...damn...bad timing, huh?”

“Nah...I'd say this is much better. I won't blow chunks on you.”

Jared has to laugh even though he groans in pain. “I don't know why he made you puke, Jen...you're doing fine here with me. Except...I'm about to fall asleep on you.”

“...go ahead...gettin' you better is more important than gettin' you off.”

Jared chuckles with the shake of his body. “ ** _...ow-ch!_**...don't know 'bout you, but I'm still poppin' wood.”

Jensen leans over to an ear. “...so am I.”

“...good to know...”

“ssshhh...time to be quiet—rest now...” Jensen keeps working on the neck muscles up into the hair, then slowly massages down the back. He feels Jared start to go limp on his lap. Jensen stays like this with Jared for another five to ten minutes, then he easily slips from under Jared to hop off the bed. He loosely puts his pants on, no belt, then picks up the tray and quietly walks out of the room. As he's moving up the stairs, he can hear the dogs shuffle around excitedly, happy to see one of their Masters. He can see Jason's passed out on his couch, guitar and lyric book on the floor; Steve has headphones on and lightly picks at chords, but makes no sound, like he's just trying to memorize placement of fingers. Steve doesn't notice Jensen as the dogs yip and dance around. Jensen won't make himself known, because he's heading back downstairs, already choosing to sleep in Jared's bed. He brings a pair of water bottles with him, and starts to drink from one. He has the pain pills he never offered Jared; if he can wake him long enough, Jensen wants Jared to take them.

Sadie hops onto the couch, sharing the end cushion with Jason's feet and Steve scratches the belly of Oscar. Jensen feels he can make a break without the dogs chasing after him; he wants to be completely alone with Jared. Palming the bottles in one hand, Jensen jogs down five steps, then the main flight to head toward Jensen's room. He shuts the door, but doesn't lock it. He moves to the side of the bed he's never seen Jared sleep on, settling down to put the bottles on the night stand. Jared's in the bathroom with the door half-shut; there's a flush and the faucet turns on. Jensen is about to stand to undress when Jared's frame fills the doorway; he blocks some light.

“...you came back...” Jared is breathless with shock.

“...yeah...” Jensen takes out the pills, grabs the bottle of water to walk them to Jared. “I forgot to have you take these while you had the tea and noodles. They're over-the-counter but an herbal blend I take for pain and aches. I don't swear by them for headaches or migraines, but...well, I take them every other day as more of a preventative measure to ward off those weird stressors that can set us off.”

Jared snatches for the cold bottle, then the pills. He doesn't even question Jensen further, trusting him enough to swallow the caplets and drink them down with a gulp of water. “...I just can't believe you came back.” He smiles as he gestures to the chair that now holds the shirt and socks left behind. “I planned on building your shrine in that exact spot...'til you came back to me.”

“...shut up...” Jensen shakes his head in doubt, but snickers with a blatant show of shyness.

“I swear. Hand to God...” Jared mimics a “hand to God”, but then drops it to push his palm forward closer to Jensen's chest. “...well, actually, God can take a backseat, I'm worshiping at the altar of Ackles...”

“Jared...”

Jared ventures toward Jensen, solid arm around his body at the back as he lifts and back-walks them to the bedframe's edge. He drops Jensen down, then proceeds to mash his huge hand on Jensen's face. “...ssshhh...let the moment take you...don't ruin the perfection with silly lyrical words...” He tries not to snicker as Jensen snorts behind his hand smooshing into his face. “ssshhh...” Now Jared uses the proper one-finger to shush, but he starts by pressing on Jensen's nose, landing on plush lips.

It's tough not to laugh when Jared had his personality dial turned to 11.

Jensen actually feels his eyes water from holding back the need to laugh but then Jared has to sweeten the humor by pressing a gentle kiss to his brow. “...thanks for comin' back...” He leaves Jensen's side to wander around the bed.

“...mmm-hmm...” Jensen clears his throat, working out of his pants to sit and take them off. He turns a little to throw off the covers, then finds himself watching Jared step out of the cotton briefs, then stretch to stand in profile with the semi-erect cock jutting out to dangle in an arch. The darkness of the bedroom hides most everything; it's only by moonlight that Jensen even sees the outline of the impressive shaft. Soft, it looks about six to seven inches. Jared twists to pick Dex off the floor, squatting to lift and cover most of his nudity to settle Dex in the chair. He throws Jensen's shirt over Dex's dead plastic eyes, draping sock over one of the bear's stubby arms. Jensen jumps into bed, sliding to safety under the blankets, and it's there that he takes off his underwear. He feels himself growing harder just by thinking about feeling Jared beside him, around him...he knows they've not said much about sex or fucking, which is great. Jensen doubts much will happen tonight and he won't have to perform simply to do a small audition, here and there. He knows Jared likes him, wants him, likes his body...so there's no need to song-n-dance to make a first impression. He likes the ease he feels at crawling into a strange bed. Has everything to do with Jared. He can't help but watch the bare backside as Jared sits, pulling up legs to slide back under backwards; they both lay on their backs some distance apart. Jensen catches sight of Jared's need to deep breathe through nose and mouth again. He shuffles over to Jared's side, hand clamped on a shoulder. Under the blankets, he feels Jared grab for his knee to slip down the calf muscle.

“...how's the head?”

“Good. Better. Not the whole head, just one side now.” Jared shapes his hand around the right side of his head.

Jensen leans over to smooth a hand over half the forehead, down the temple—he pressure pints right where temple ends and jawbone connects, working fingers back into the hair. He sifts and massages the scalp, periodically pressing light  
kisses over the hairline and brow.

“...mmm, you're too good to me. I'm feeling spoiled.” Jared lightly scratches his fingernails over the dark-hairs covering Jensen's calves.

“well...you've had a tough day. I hate crying-headaches—sinus ones, too. This can't be easy to deal with and have to watch your gran'father's once good health take a turn for the worst. Does he—” Jensen doesn't want to sound unfeeling, but he's concerned more for Jared. “—was there anything set in place to happen, if anything went wrong with him?”

Jared loops his whole arm around both of Jensen's legs, letting him butt against his side, throw a knee over his thigh. “...uh, yeah...there's an assistant manager who can take his place, but...” He scrapes his right hand over his face, soothing around his cheek and neck. “I went over to let the employees, and volunteers, know how he was doing and...there seems to be a consensus of staff who feel I should take Pops' place.”

“Why not?”

“I don't know. Sometimes I've played night manager, but there's just not a lot to do. Pops would always be there early enough to make me look like I was competent. I suck at accounting...really suck at math. There's no way I could take over the whole business.”

“Why—the hell—not? Closing out cash registers and tallying up account sheets for the sales day...if you knew it had to be  
done, you could learn.”

“I hate being taught—well, you know that. I'm...impatient and—I like being hands-on and teach myself.”

Jensen tucks his arm under Jared's neck, resting his head on top of the dark brown hair. “eh...good ole self doubt. I know ye' well.” He turns to kiss skin. “You'll be such a natural.” He starts to rub his left palm over the evenly breathing chest, fingers brushing through chest hairs. “You've already got the relationship, and bond, with the workers, the volunteers and all those regular customers...” Jensen stops his hand because Jared brings over his right hand to hang onto his forearm. “That's really what drives that grocery to stay in business. Everyone's scared of losing your gran'father. I think it would be such a huge relief to see you there, taking over his role.”

“I wanna do this for him. I know he's been wishin' I just outright ask, but...I still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up.”

Jensen sniffles out a soft laugh. “Even when we think we know, it sometimes isn't what we hoped it would be.”

“Editor of a top-notch textbook publishing company? I bet you're always good at whatever you do.”

“...you'd be surprised.”

“I doubt it, but—sure...” Jared slides a hand up the forearm to cup the elbow. He slowly turns within Jensen's hold, leaning in to rest his head on the chest, under the chin.

Jensen starts to soothe his hand over the wide back; his leg now is trapped between Jared's thighs. Somehow their cocks haven't touched, no matter how close they've gotten. Jensen likes this with Jared; it's a lot calmer and subdued than he expected, but Jared's migraine keeps them from really doing too much, too soon that might cause the head aching to come back. At least that's what Jensen tells himself in his head. He starts to massage the back of the nape and brushes through Jared's hair; in no time at all Jared is out, softly snoring against Jensen's chest, puffing short, warm breathes on bare skin. Jensen slinks down and closes his eyes, joining Jared in dreamland in a shorter time than he thought he'd fall asleep in.

Jensen wakes more than four hours later, feeling chilled so he pulls the blankets to his chin. He stretches on his right arm and hits the warm body laying right next to him. Jensen opens his eyes to recall that he's not in his own bed and he's not clothed, laying naked under sheets with his roommate, Jared, only a few inches away. Jared is sleeping on his stomach, spread out, one arm tucked to body while the other flails. His face is smooshed in a pillow and he lays lower on the bed, almost to the edge. Jensen knows how to get warmer quicker. Jared is a great source of heat; Jensen sidles up to Jared's back and uses his body as a pillow, grabbing the blankets to tuck about both of their bodies. He lays his bent left arm along Jared's spine, doing short massages to the nape and shoulder, then he extends the arm outward to snag around the torso to pull Jared in. Jared is unusually malleable while asleep, so as Jensen brings Jared's back flush with his front, Jared's ass cheeks settle perfectly in the curve of his groin. Jensen's cock feels every bit of softness to the mounds and the deep crease, legs shift to open slightly and Jensen's length dips in. Jensen is instantly growing harder, almost throbbing, like his dick knows it wants the hole nearby.

In sleep, Jared pushes back, not used to the body behind him...the gentle touches to the arms wrapped tight...he almost swears he's still dreaming. But then he feels lips on his skin, over his shoulder, down his back...the other body presses in, sliding a heated erection between his cheeks. He sucks in a breath and leans backward.

“...ssshhh...” Jensen's hand turns his face toward him over a shoulder. “I'm not ready to fuck you just yet...but I don't see the harm in sharing our bodies, getting to know one another in a different way.”

Jared closes his eyes, holding onto Jensen's arm. He would've loved to have felt Jensen's cock slide into him...an early morning fuck to welcome the pre-dawn. Jared's not going to be too upset, because he thought it'd be much more difficult to get Jensen to notice him; he will be grateful for anything Jensen wanted to do with their bodies or just with Jared's body. He begins to thrust backward in earnest, drawing his left leg up so he can lay flat to the mattress and give friction to his own cock. “mmm...you use the best methods to wake me...”

Jensen chuckles deeply at the intimacy of the comment. “To have the chance to finally see your body up close...treat it how I've wanted...touch it how I've dreamed...I'd keep you awake for hours to worship you...”

“...christ...you didn't have to say all that...I'm here an' I'm willing...”

“Tired of saying all the wrongs things to you. In my mind, we're good...we're so good, but in reality, I know I've made you think otherwise.” Jensen moves off his right arm to hover above.

Jared swivels his upper torso to lay on his back, looking up at Jensen. He reaches to lay a palm on Jensen's chest. “I could see you struggling. I know I'm not—I'm kind of a handful and I've probably annoyed you beyond be—” He never gets to finish as Jensen swoops in, forearms planting on the bed as he tilts his head, taking Jared's mouth under his lips. Jared makes breathy noises against the mouth, his hand snaking around to tuck under an armpit and bring Jensen closer to him, despite the angle he lays in. Jensen sets knees down and begins to thrust; his cock has shifted to settle at the underside of the groin, sliding between thighs. He breaks the kiss, breathing heavy as Jared keeps their faces merged. “...somehow, I don't think I have—at all.” Jared laughs at the absurdity and the utter hotness and debauchery Jensen looks like, looming over him as he pounds against his body. “...god...wanna get some lube...but, god-damn, if this isn't hot enough...you sure you don't wanna fuck me, 'cuz I don't mind?”

Jensen smiles, swooping in for a shorter, harder kiss. “I know you don't, but for now, let's just do this...okay?”

“...yeah, yeah...of course...oh-fuck me!-god, yeah...” Jared's voice quivers at the sensations from back to front. “...I jus' need you—unnnghhh, fuuuck—so good...so fuckin' good...jen, need you to know, you never have to ask...”

“mmm...I've have to jot that one down.”

“...ffffuuuuck...please do...you feel incredible outside my body, you'll kill me dead once you're inside...”

Jensen leans brow to brow. “...oh, god...I want to—I do...” He bends to kiss, keeping his head turned to breathe in the mouth, against the parted lips. “...I don't wanna let you down—ever...not-unnnghh!—very experienced...as a Top...oh, jesus-fuck!...m'gonna come...”

“...do it...”

“...ohgod...so hard—gonna come so hard...”

Jared moves his hand up to cup Jensen's neck then the nape. “...got you, man...jus' me...no one special...come for me, jen...come on me...” He does a small arc forward as he feels his own need to orgasm rise, so he momentarily loses grip on Jensen, but then he gains it back to help ride along, closing his eyes and jamming his hips against Jared's lower body, making tiny mournful cries as he ejaculates spurt after spurt of thick semen.

“...ohfuck—ohgod—ohfuck...” Jensen keeps their faces close, able to watch as Jared's upper chest becomes red, then neck muscles and tendons strain. 

Jared holds tight to Jensen as he arches his back an inch off the bed and low-growls his own release. “...ohhhmyyygooood...christ...jesus...jesus christ...” He rolls his head around the pillowcase, arm thrown over his head, arm still around Jensen. “...how—god damn...how was that even—without...anything?”

Jensen buries his face in Jared's neck, smirking. “...no lube...no condom...no cocks in asses...no worries...no expectations...just a sharing of bodies...” He starts kissing the moist skin, licking down to the shoulder to open mouth kiss with his tongue.

Out of breath still, Jared lightly laughs. “I take that back 'bout fucking me...” He lets his hand trace down Jensen's back, over bottom to pull on a cheek. “...a few more of these moments an' I'll be your bottom-slut for life...”

“mmm...I'm not looking for a ' _slut_ ', but a ' _whore_ ' might do...just a nice bottom-whore I can bring home to Mom.” Jensen teases as he kisses Jared about a dozen more times on the lips and cheek, actually giving him a sweet hug from both arms before he pulls away so he can unstick his skin from Jared, then open Jared's thighs to look at the mess they made on the sheets.

Jared adjusts his legs to straighten, looking down at his sticky, come-covered skin, how he's still semi-erect. He shakes his head sadly. “...shit!...I'm gonna break myself one of these days.” Jared laughs along with Jensen's chuckling. “...hey, you try dealing with this intense high-bar for sex...it's like I'm never satiated or something.”

Jensen bends Jared's left leg, moving a bit to get the limb on the other side of his body. He tenderly takes the shaft and strokes, then licks the sensitized skin like he's devouring the mess off an ice cream cone.

“...ohfuck!...god!...” Jared tilts his head a bit to look down at the sight of Jensen being anywhere near his cock. “...tha's seeexxxyyy...”

“...how's it feel?” Green eyes stare as an eyebrow lifts and lips shape around the bulbous head.

“oh... jen...” Jared pants, then pounds his fists on the bed, fingers grappling for sheets. “...so much better than a washcloth...”

Jensen actually has to stop before he chokes, pulling away to laugh. He's seen the amount of cloths Jared has piled around his room; this is a compliment only Jensen will understand and appreciate. He takes the cocktip again, this time sucking hard at just an inch or two, tongue-pressure keeping it to the roof of his mouth. Jensen makes a noise under breath because the shape has somehow grown and thickened; he won't be able to take the whole thing down his throat without some practice. He rubs his thumb and two fingers along the frenelum [ top underside of the shaft ] of the cut-cock, suckling on an index finger to then mouth the scrotal sac, eventually licking down perineum to wet a trail to the puckered skin. Jared raises his legs, bent to his chest for Jared as he sucks the whole area, tongue out to circle the pulsing anus; he tentatively sticks the tip of his tongue in, making Jared jolt his cock and testicles; Jared hands reach back to spread cheeks wide. Jensen pulls back to kiss up the crease of the thigh, getting Jared to lower his bottom a bit and then he poises a finger at the gaped opening. One leg lowers to the bed, the other curls about Jensen as his fingers slips inside.

Jared pushes backward, arm reaching above his head to press to the headboard. Jensen's never seen a more blurred beautiful sight than Jared's neck muscles straining, his upper chest billowed out and reddening as he lets his orgasm course through before he releases. He kisses up the chest, snaps on a dusky nipple with his front teeth, then nuzzles to nibble on the carotid artery pumping away in the neck. He feels the speed-race of Jared's heart against his chest as his fingers insert, moving up and down, twisting and turning. His own large hand attempts to encapsulate the full eight inch shaft as he gulps to think about this cock plowing into him; yet another thing where practice will eventually make perfect.

“Are you close?”

“nnnghhh—just 'bout...why?...you got somewhere to be?”

Jensen chuckles, kissing up the side of Jared's face as the head leans toward him. “...no...I wanna watch as you fall apart under me—under my control...”

“...knew it...nothin' but a cumslave for your enjoyment...”

“awww...” Jensen nuzzles the moist brown hair. “...self pity looks damn sexy on you.”

A few more jabs into the rectum, Jensen curls the finger, stroking the shaft at a faster tempo and Jared's not only arcing off the bed, spewing a string of semen thick and stringy up his own chest, he has moved his body so high off the pillow, he bumps his own head on the wooden headboard.

“ ** _...oh!fuck!..._** ”

“ ** _...ow!ch!..._** ” The crack of the skull wasn't loud, more of a dull thud, but Jensen was empathetic. “...oh, jay...jesus, man....” He pulls hands away to cup the top of the dark strands as Jared covers overtop Jensen's. Jensen bends in to lay brow on brow. “...my poor baby...was that truly me that made you flounce or...is this the norm when you come?”

“...you-fucker...” Jared closes his eyes and drops hands to rubdown his chest. “...fuuuck, if I needed that—gracious me...I need a shower...”

Jensen kisses the top of the head. “Care for some company?”

“...mmm...” Jared side-eyes Jensen. “I'm not some trick pony who'll just bow down to your whims. I don't bring dildos into my shower all of the time.”

“ ** _Just a shower?!_** — ** _awwww...boooo...sooo boh-ring!_** ” Jensen rolls over onto his back. “...never mind, then...” He can't help but smile secretly to himself, a blush rushing from his face down his torso. He amazed himself with what he focused on to get Jared to come. That was very unlike him to be so uninhibited and free with another man's body. Jensen pulls arms to his chest to rest hands on his own perspiring skin.

Jared sinks down and shuffles over to pounce, then straddle Jensen's thighs; he plants a hand on either side of Jensen's body, smiling down at questioning green eyes. “I like this...whatever we're doing. This isn't because of—?”

Jensen reaches out to press a hand to Jared's chest, that wistful hope shining in those ever-changing eye. “...dude...I so suck at timing...this isn't ' _just because_ ', or a one time thing.” He raises to his elbows, liking the look of Jared's sleek body aligned with his thickness; odd how different yet perfect they fit together. “Not a pity fuck...”

“ohhh, so you will be fucking me?” Jared wiggles his groin over Jensen's thigh and up to his pelvis.

“eh, yeah...but when I god-damn feel like it.”

Jared leans in, nose to nose, then forehead to brow as he breathes, “... can't fuckin' wait, man...” Quick kiss that barely covers the full parted lips, and he's jumping off the bed, and Jensen, like he's a spry cat. “...meet you under the shower spray!”

Jensen lays there, still propped on elbows, looking down his body, then over at the tangle of sheets. He swears he can see the wet spot of drying semen on the material. Jensen looks to Dex, seated in that chair and, even though he knows—without his glasses on—that the bear's plastic eyes are covered those furry fabric ears can still listen. “ ** _...don't judge me!_** ” Jensen warns Dex, then rolls to jump out of bed as well once he hears the water turn on.

 

**== &&==&&==&&==**   
**TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3

There's an ease to this companionship thing they slip into that's inexplicable. Both of them thought it would be tough, for different reasons. Jensen never imagined Jared could relax and settle; Jared figured Jensen wouldn't warm to him enough to merit much effort. Boy were they both never happy to be more wrong.

They tried to trade off, some nights sleeping in Jared's bed, others were up in Jensen's, but it always seemed more comfortable and right in Jared's space. Jensen had some idea it was that being with Jared, amongst Jared's things, eased him a bit more. Having to go back to his own bedroom felt like a new set of rules and conduct; not to mention that Jensen's room had no flare or character. It functioned as a master bedroom, but it never felt like home. Being with Jared, being with him in his own space, made Jensen feel more real, more human. Oh...and all the fun toys were in Jared's room that gave Jensen to raising a curious eyebrow.

Jensen still holds back fucking Jared, satisfied more and more with just sleeping naked beside him, waking at odd ball hours to find new ways to get one another off. Jensen sleeps deeper and longer, feels less stress at work and he has become more easy going at home. Steve and Jason had known right away something in the dynamic had changed; they hadn't poked or prodded, simply accepted that Jensen had finally found what he'd been looking for, right under his nose.

They didn't have to tell Christian or the rest of Jared's “brothers”; most of them had known Jared had feelings for Jensen and once they saw Jared smiling despite Pops heath status and condition, they knew something had shifted. Watching Jared step into his gran'father's shoes at the grocery was even more of a hint, especially how proud Jensen seemed to be when Jared talked about his work day—a real 9-to-5 day job that he would never up and quit on.

Christian had been the most apprehensive; happy for Jared, but closely eyeballing Jensen because he had been the shoulder Jared had used when Jensen kept nagging and frustrating him. Christian had become wary of Jensen's true feelings and his intentions. He hadn't wanted to see his little brother get hurt. Jensen had known Christian had issues with him since they weren't truly “boyfriends” and not in a relationship of commitment, at least they hadn't agreed on it for the moment. Jensen had been aware that Jared wanted more, probably had needed to know they would be permanent since he still had fears of being kicked out. Now a little more risky with new, delicate emotions and feelings involved.

The rest of Jared's brothers had been ecstatic for him, basically because they wouldn't be hearing Jared go on and on about “What Ifs” any longer—it was actually happening. Even if Jared and Jensen weren't calling each other “boyfriend”, considering themselves a couple, Jared's brothers had been and they'd tease Jared mercilessly. Jared had taken the ribbing and taunts in stride because he had known how mature he and Jensen were being about what they had together.

They really weren't a couple. They could go out and find others to date, have sex with. They weren't boyfriends, but comfortable companions willing to explore one another and share their bodies. The fact that they hadn't fucked wasn't even a big deal because they felt fulfillment through other means and that sufficed. They were together but had been giving the other room to breathe and explore, and it was enough. Exactly what they needed and learned they wanted—for now.

It had been everyone around them needing definitions and permanence. Everybody else had held doubts and raised eyebrows; Jared and Jensen had been fine on their own.

Jensen lays on his left side, back facing Jared, who's doing his usual sprawl on the large mattress, but somehow able to keep to his side, never bumping or brushing Jensen. Jensen has returned from taking a piss, trying to relax and settle his body, see if he can ever fall asleep on his own without needing Jared right next to him. He tucks his hand under his cheek sighs at feeling his typical satiation point from a night of intense orgasms with Jared. They are both sleeping the rest of the early morning away to wake up for work. It's Jensen favorite time of day now. Jared had to rise way-before Jensen. Being manager of the small grocery, Jared had to go in at least two hours ahead of the stores opening to take over from the night manager, then prepare the hot and cold fresh foods in the Deli counter. Jensen always had a strange time clock, getting up way-too early each morning to prepare himself for his ultra-boring day job.

He had even begun to dread this approaching weekend—the publishing conference in Tampa. He had already apologized a hundred times or more to Jared, knowing he would miss his birthday. Jared had kept telling him that “sorries” weren't needed because this had all been arranged before they had broken down that first barrier to becoming intimate and close. Jensen had wished he had more of a backbone, instead of wishing Jared would become more upset and demand he not go. He had wanted some excuse to give his boss, like being able to say, “ _I have plans with my boyfriend. It's his birthday...29...one more year before 30...yeah, it's pretty special_ ”. It sounded more emergent than, “ _I have plans with Jared...uh, huh? Who's Jared?...well, see...he's my roommate, but we sleep together—naked...we don't fuck—not yet...I plan on it...well, we plan on fucking soon, but not now. We're just—hey, where're you going? I was explaining..._ ” and then his boss would tell him he had to go...or else. Jensen supposes he could get out of it, if he made an effort, but he's too damn curious to know how they'll both be while he's gone.

It being Jared's birthday, Christian and his brothers would certainly come up to take Jared out. Jensen's afraid of what Jared would do—fairly inebriated and probably wickedly horny. Jensen's even more curious to how he'll feel being away from Jared. He already knows he won't pick up anyone if he goes out to bars or a club with his co-workers. He's pretty sure he'll be fine, but the one thing he does fear is how much he will miss Jared. These past few weeks with Jared being...well, perfectly “Jared” has caused Jensen to be sad he'll miss a day or two with a dose of Jared in his life.

He laughs softly, rolling to his back. From his right peripheral, he can see that massive back, evenly breathing in slumber with that mop of brown locks. Jensen turns his head to stare at the flexed biceps of the right arm as it extends toward him while the other arm, on the left, is pulled to the body. Jared sleeps heavy on his stomach, softly snoring from where he's face-planted on the mattress. Jensen flips to his right side, tucking hands at his cheek to soak Jared in. His favorite pastime of watching Jared sleep. Pretty soon he's reaching out to lift the arm so he can easily slide under and burrow into Jared's side, leaning his cheek on brown hair. Jared shifts from sleep just by feeling Jensen and then the head lifts; Jensen sneaks in and buries his face away in neck or maybe the chest. He has a day or so before he leaves for the airport on Thursday; Jensen needs as much time as possible to drown in Jared so that it won't ache or truly hurt to be away from him. Jensen will return late Sunday evening, but he's willing to leave early on Sunday to return home to be with Jared the rest of this birthday weekend. Jensen already knows one of the presents he's getting Jared—the other two he had to mull over with himself, if this is what he really, and truly, wants to do. He will have oodles of time to think while he's in Tampa.

Jared sniffles away, half groggy as he smiles down to see Jensen glued to him, huddled under his arm. He does his thing of lifting off his chest to let Jensen sink further under as he feels the warm breath blow over his skin; he soothes along Jensen arm, then his back. “...awww...my poor, poor jen...” His hand now caresses over Jensen's exposed cheek. “...why do you keep torturin' yourself.” Jared kisses the crown of the head as he snuggles into the dirty blond locks. “...you've left me before. Hell, I used to barely see you, livin' in the garage.”

Jensen knows how ridiculous he's being, but he knows how he'll be since he's become attached to Jared; granted he abhors the whole “boyfriend” requirement, just because they're close and intimate, but he does feel a closeness to Jared he's frightened of losing. “...this seems different. Like it's a, uh...challenge to us.”

Jared wrinkles his brow as he still keeps his eyes closed. “How so?” He rubs knuckles over Jensen's face, loving the feel of the shared heat and the soft hardness under him. Jared's aroused but not growing hard; his body's still reeling in exhaustion from the intense orgasms from earlier.

“I don't know—-first time bein' apart since we started—this.”

“...this?” Jared feigns stupidity or forgetfulness. “This? hmm...what is the ' _this_ ' you speak of?” He makes his tone sound alien, dull and devoid of any flowery language.

Jensen loosely forms a fist with his left hand, gently punching Jared, then he opens the hand to grab onto Jared's shoulder joint. “...mmm, exactly. I feel like after this time apart, one of us is going to demand more, 'cuz you know...how long can we keep doing this with one another, ignoring outward signs that this does look like what all our friends and family think it is.”

Jared blinks quick to open his eyes, hearing the genuine tone of Jensen's voice, like he's about to cave in to his own ideals and want a defined relationship. Yes, of course, Jared would love nothing more than to have some acknowledgement of feelings from Jensen, but he doesn't need them forced or coerced out of his mouth. “...wish you'd stop caring 'bout what they think. It should just be what you and I want, not what we think they think looks hinky.” He shrugs one shoulder. “So we still live on different floors, have our own bedrooms. We sleep together when we want...”

“I haven't slept without you since that first night.”

Jared shuts his mouth, working his jaw in some frustration. “...yeah? And?”

“...don't know. You may say it doesn't matter, but I do think—-deep down—it's what you want.”

Jared takes hold of Jensen's frame and just jolts him once. “I have you...what more do I get right now that won't complicate my life and possibly ruin us.”

Jensen rolls to look at Jared. “It is eventually what you want, then? To be felt as if you're a more permanent part of my life?”

Jared's startled to see the green eyes silently plead with him to say “yes”. “...yes, but—-I can tell it's enough for you to keep this between us as open as possible. I'm oddly okay with that because...” He lifts up one corner of his mouth. “I still get to prove to you how awesome I would be...you know, if you dared to someday call me—define me as your ' _boyfriend_ '.”

“...' _partner_ ', equal in all things.”

“It can't be easy to explain me—who I am—at work to co-workers or complete strangers. I'm finding that out at the grocery. I talk about you. I just say, ' _Jensen this, Jensen that_ '—soun's like you're my best friend, but there's a way my face looks when I talk about you. I must look like an idiot.”

“aww! Why an ' _idiot_ '?”

“well...I'm Jared, who can't help being so ' _Jared_ ' when he spins an anecdotal yarn...' _oh, yeah, this reminds me of the time Jensen—_ '...”

Jensen doesn't know why this makes him blush and feel giddy. “...probably even much worse when you thought I didn't like you.”

Jared reaches out to comb through Jensen's hair, simply an excuse to touch him. “eh, I tried just sayin' ' _housemate_ ' or ' _roommate_ ', but then...less syllables to say, ' _Jensen_ ' or ' _Jen_ '.”

“You're being way-too compliant with everything.”

“Why? Do you want me to stomp my foot and demand things?”

“No.” Jensen sighs, closing his eyes as he allows Jared to caress his face. “I just...I don't wanna fuck this up. It feels like it could be the best decision we've ever made, but then—shit—we haven't even established this as a relationship to even peak into a ' _honeymoon_ ' phase. Like defining what we share keeps us from being assholes to each other.”

“You're too perfect for me to pick on. I'm simply tickled you ' _like_ ' me and let me close like this. I don't see flaws, and if I did, there's not enough to cancel out the feelings I have.”

Jensen leans toward Jared. “I have feelings too...and they make me fearful I'm gonna be an utter wreck in Tampa without you. Not just in my bed in the hotel room.”

Jared secures an arm around Jensen, tucking him near. “You know you can call me, anytime. You know what my routine is like during the week. I have no idea what Chris and the guys have planned for me...either Friday or Saturday, but I will answer you every time you call.”

“Don't do that for me. Not in front of them. It's a big enough birthday to need as much time as you can get with them. I know they miss you like crazy, on such a set work schedule now. Plus, there's a ' _default setting_ ' to hang with me.”

“I like ' _hanging with you_ '. How else am I gonna finally get you to confess what you got me for my birthday?”

“ ** _oh!_** You think I actually thought this out, that I have something waiting in the wings to hand you?”

“...eh, admit it, Ackles. You've been crushin' on me for years. The second—well, okay...maybe an hour or so after we first met.”

“You did look cute—tight spandex with your bike helmet, wearing some kind of messenger bag...”

“ahhh...the bike messenger job. Liked the bike, hated the spandex...” Jared uses his hand to shape down his own form. “This fine specimen of ' _Jared_ '-hood is not meant for spandex outfits.”

“I dunno...I thought you looked fuckin' hot, but then my contacts were bothering me that day. Sometimes you blurred when I blinked.”

Jared smiles, sifting his hand through Jensen's hair. “I notice you don't wear either to bed...glasses or contacts...”

“We're always laying so close—barely a breath away. You'd fog up my lenses...an' I've never worn contacts to bed.”

“oh...so these magnificent and gorgeous green eyes are ' _au natural_ '?”

“...yup...just like the freckles...”

“ ** _huh?! You have freckles?! Where?!_** ”

Jensen leans back to notice Jared's blatant tease, then lands another soft punch.

“ ** _ow!ch!_** ” Jared pretends the punch hurt, pouting as Jensen kisses him and kisses the “boo-boo” better.

==&&==&&==&&==

Jensen makes his way through the grocery, carrying the pretty explicit birthday gift bag. He's looking for Jared at the front, his body vibrating just at the thought that Jared has been running the store for almost three weeks and it hasn't gone out of business like Jared feared. Jensen's not a regular but he's been here once or twice, and he swears it's busier than it should be on a Wednesday afternoon. What he loves most is how the grocery employees are out in the open and visible, not just at the cashier counters or stuck hiding behind stock carts. Jared's gran'father had always made it a rule to do major restocking at night—little stocking of shelves could be done throughout the day. Everyone is happy to be there, customers or employees, and “service with a smile” is natural and “customer is always right” is almost a vow.

It feels different, the atmosphere of the grocery. Not that he remembers how Mr. Padalecki had run the store, but that Jensen can't help feeling Jared's influence everywhere he turns. He's shocked when a few employees' faces recognize him, pointing toward the back where the deli was—Jared was there right now, sitting at a table with an older female, could be an aunt or maybe a familiar customer. Jensen hangs in the distance, which is a foolish thing to do, because every time he's here, he wants to start shopping for the weekly groceries. He likes all the cramped nooks-n-crannies, because despite being small and a non-chain grocery, they have everything—even if it was only one or two, or just a full dozen items.

Jared isn't facing Jensen as he sits with an open legal pad booklet, looking rather smart and important in his blue stripped button-down shirt, matching blue tie and dark blue trousers. Jensen had watched Jared dress every morning to come into work, but he's never seen the ensemble with the grocery apron on or how the clothing looks mid-afternoon when Jared's had several busy hours of uninterrupted work. The leg crossed over a huge knee swings the foot and Jensen now knows why Jared's shoes aren't fancy loafers or cowboy boots—they're sensible walking shoes that protect his feet from soreness and allow him to stand or walk for hours. Jared keeps jotting things down as the woman talks and she'll often lean over to lay a tender hand on Jared's wrist. Jared covers her hand, then averts his face with an odd bashfulness.

Jensen is in no way jealous, but he is realizing how deep he does feel for Jared. Forget watching him while he sleeps or naps, Jensen's new pastime will be staring at Jared while he works. It's getting tougher to not show an interest in speaking with Jared because Jensen left work early to go home and pack, make it to the car service that will bring him to the airport—he will be carpooling with the other co-workers he's going to Tampa with.

The woman smiles wide as she spots a creepy, yet attractive green-eyed man, staring and hovering. She points behind Jared who quickly swivels to spot the face he knows all too well.

Jensen decides it's time to approach, arms crossed at his back with the gift bag banging the backs of his legs. “hey...Jared...”

“...Jen...” Jared shakes out of the tiny table chair to extend an arm out and bring Jensen close to his side. He one-arm hugs Jensen with a death grip to the opposite shoulder; he bends low to an ear. “...are you a sight for sore eyes...” Jared drifts away to steer Jensen to the table. He makes Jensen sit in his empty chair while his hand grips the rungs at the back. “Milly...this is Jen—Jensen...Jen, this is Mildred, but Pops always calls her ' _Milly_ '.”

It's the look in Jared's eyes that clues Jensen in that this woman is his gran'father's pseudo-girlfriend.

Mildred removes the hand from shaping her jaw and cheek. “...so you're Jared's ' _Jen_ '...” Her blue eyes narrow on his face in curiosity, taking every bit of detail in. “I can see the appeal, Jay.” Mildred nods her head in approval, folding arms on the table's surface.

Jensen's opens his mouth to speak, feeling Jared's hand at the back of his nape, but Mildred knows her time is up.

Mildred picks her purse from the chair and then lays her coat over an arm. “Come by the house at 6 or 6:30.” She pats Jared's shirt, adjusting his skewed tie knot. “Nice meeting you, Jensen.” She gives a solid bounce of her head and a wink toward both men.

“The same, Mildred.” Jensen watches the older woman beat a hasty retreat, off to chat with employees and some customers she knows. “Didn't mean to chase her away.” He turns to face Jared as he drops into the chair just vacated by Mildred.

“You didn't. We were done talking...just shootin' the breeze about Pops.”

Jensen set the gift bag on the floor, under the table. “He okay?”

“uh, yeah...he's great. Never been better.” Jared smiles to himself, then glances at Jensen. “It's just weird to talk about you and then turn to find you here.”

“You talked about me with Milly?”

“I had to. They don't know you'll be gone this weekend. Pops is gettin' in before the big birthday rush.”

“ ** _christ!_** So this would've been a nice, quaint family ' _getting-to-know-Jensen-better_ ' thing...see, I knew I should've had bigger balls to back out of this conference.”

“ _Hey!_ It's too soon anyway. We really shouldn't use a special occasion as a way to ' _get-to-know-Jen_ '. 'Sides, I kind of don't want Pops to see us together quite yet. He's...bein' weird.”

“How ' _weird_ '?”

Jared sighs, shrugging. “Like end-of-the-world weird. Like...my-eyes-are-finally-open-so-let-me-get-my-affairs-in-order-and-freak-out-my-loved-ones weird.” 

“He went on about his Will again? Giving you the store?”

“...yeah...I told him he needs to stop. He'll be back to his old ways of needing to come in and run the show. I've never seen Pops relax a day in his life.”

“eh, cut him some slack. These kinds of traumas push bullshit back and bring truth to the front.”

“I know, I know...an' he's relentless with Milly now. He wants to ask her to marry him and she...well, she's not refusing but she's no dummy.”

“She's afraid he's reacting out of fear. Like he'll wake up one day with regret.”

“I get it. I do. I agree with her. She's liked him ever since she started volunteering here to wile her hours away after her husband passed, but she's had a life with a soulmate. I guess she's afraid that it's not possible to be lucky enough a second time. No doubt in her mind she loves Pops and wants to be with him....this was her wake-up call too.”

“Damn...so this kinda shit even plagues old people.”

“Jen...” Jared shakes his head, laughing softly. “all right...change of topic. What the hell are you doing here? You haven't even started packing.” He dips his head, looks around then back to Jensen. “I saw all your clothes out...bags dug out of the attic...dude, you were so close. Why did you stop?”

It's Jensen's turn to laugh. “Baby steps, man. I didn't find the Jared-shaped luggage I thought I still had.”

“Now that...will be a cool bag. I'm flexible...I may be tall and big all-over, but I fold up nicely in an overnight, say...a carry-on...”

Now they both dissolve into chuckling and give one another long stares across the table

“Especially when I'm being ' _Jared_ '.”

“oh, hells yeah...even more...” Jensen leans over the table, feeling moisture collect in the back of his eyes and words constricting his throat. “... ** _god-damn!_**...” He turns his head away to shut his lids. “I've been such a fuckin' pussy—like a whipped puppy...”

“From whom? Not me, I hope.”

“No. You're perfect and lovely and...way-too at ease with how I've been—how I'm being. You're everything I want in a guy, and I just...I let work take over...let my career seem as if it's a make or break deal. I'm so comfortable and flexible where I am. I could ask for double my salary and they'd say ' _yeah, sure_ '...”

“And this makes you a pussy?”

“No. The fact I'm still there, chugging away, editing and doing my research like it's something I have to do or else I'll die or be destitute.”

“You're a creature of habit. You like routine. Hell, I knew that the first time I met you.”

“Fuck...that damn interview.”

“Hey...don't knock it. I've always believed you had to be strict to not get a creepy-ass homicidal stalker roommate. So you're organized out the ass and you make a lot of lists...” Jared reaches across to tap on the legal pad open with his scribbles on the page. “Check out the bullet points on this list for the grocery...it has Jensen Ackles written all over it.”

Jensen moves his arms to stare down at the spread out pages. “You have beautiful penmanship when you print.”

“...thank you...and, well....I've always wanted to be a bit more controlled, less cluttered. I fuckin' suck at fillin' out resumes. I've had so many jobs—never quit or got fired from some, so I still work think I work there. I don't know, but I always manage to forget one or two.”

“It's not about being smart or right...or organized. Or using my college degree in my career. It's loving what I do and...being in love while doing what I love.

“whoa...hold on...” Jared covers Jensen's arm, gesturing with his hand. “This sounds weighty and serious. We'll take this private...into the manager's office.”

They both stand, but Jensen moves first and Jared bends to pick up the gift bag.

“Don't forget this.”

“Keep it. It's for you.”

“Me? My birthday present.” Jared admires the large gift bag, the attention to presentation and the heaviness of the object inside. “PS3? X-Box 360?”

“...hehehe...no-ah...” Jensen steps ahead of Jared, who clamps hands on his shoulders to guide him toward the swinging doors that proclaim “Employees Only”.

The minute they're alone, Jared spins Jensen and hugs him extra tight with both arms. Jensen hadn't known how much he had needed the reassurance—always, that Jared had been willing to hand him so readily. He wants to drown in Jared, but instead holds on just as tight.

“I can feel you shaking.”

“It's chilly back here.”

“Liar, but I'll let it slide.” Jared draws away to drop arms over Jensen's shoulder bones, his heavy gift bag dangling at Jensen's back. “I kinda wanna kiss you right now...tell you everything's gonna be okay. That we—you and I...will be more than okay.” He turns so one arm surrounds the broad span of shoulders. “...damn...we need to go behind closed doors, like, now...”

Jensen's seems to relax more once they do slip behind the office door, closing it but not locking them inside. He goes back to embracing Jared. “I thought I got my fill last night...an' early this morning.”

“Nothin' says waking up to a morning blowjob's a bad thing...”

“It's more than just that now.”

“It is?”

“eh, did I not tack the memo on the fridge?”

“...just tell me, Jensen.”

“I should've slept once or twice on my own. Now...don't think I could fall asleep or stay asleep without you.”

“You could've tried it, but I or the dogs would've come to find you. We hate bein' without you too.”

“Is it sad that Sadie and Oz got along better, and sooner, than we did? I would've been over this by now.”

“When it feels like this...don' think it gets easier. Maybe tolerable, but—” Jared puts up a hand. “...lets pause briefly. I've been waiting to see what you got me.”

“I didn't buy this until we became close, so...it reflects more recent events.”

“uh-huh...now I'm really curious, 'cuz that could mean you have an older gift stashed somewhere.”

“uh, yeah...the one I would've given to the roomie I hated.”

“har-har...”

“Bygones, Pad'lecki...” Jensen watches Jared remove the tissue paper and then take out the wrapped box.

Jared shakes it, placing the box to his ear. “...well, it's not tickin', so it's not a bomb...not whimpering, either, so it's not a puppy...” He actually pouts at the last comment.

“You'd want another dog?” Jensen is flabbergasted by Jared's outright admission.

“One of us picking it out—hell yes...and one we can raise from puppy-hood...doesn't have to be a rescue dog. We could go to a breeder or a pet store.”

“Jay...that's like...askin' me to have kids with you.” Jensen knows it's really not the same but the hefty responsibility is a full commitment not to be trifled with.

“I know...” Jared lets out a small smile from the side of his mouth. “...it's what I want.”

“christ...now you tell me.”

“I promise...I will love, feed and water your present as much as I would a puppy...”

Jensen wanders away to pace, not sure he can stand when Jared finds what's inside the box.

The lid is lifted, and then there's more tissue to fold back.

“oh, wow...jesus christ, man...” At least Jared pets over the softness. “How much did this set you back?”

“Barely anything.” Jensen had known exactly the way Jared would've reacted, and then immediately loved what he had gotten him. “We use this leather wholesaler, when we have new hires. Kind of a ' _Welcome to Boringness_ ' at the textbook company.”

Jared lets his fingers trace over the heavy stitching of his own name. “...Jared. Tristan. Padalecki...” He gives off a shy smile as he dips his head. “...my name's never looked cooler....that is fuckin' awesome, Jen.”

Jensen brushes his hand in mid-air to wipe away the sentiment. “eh, I figured you would need a mature briefcase—that'll hold your laptop too—to go along with all your grown-up clothes.” He displays what Jared is wearing with the sweep of his hand. 

Jared looks over at the satchel/messenger bag he's been using. In the few weeks he's been at the grocery 24/7, it's taken quite the beating of usage. “I'm on the last legs of that bag...this couldn't have shown at a better time.” He takes it out to spin the shape around, then dangles it from fingers at the soft handles and find the strap attachment for when he needs to carry other things. “...thank you, Jen. I, uh...well, it's perfect.”

“There's more.”

“More?” Jared sends his eyebrows sky high along with widening his eyes in wild wonder. “I think this genuine soft leather briefcase is plenty enough.”

“It'll be here for you when I'm gone, so, uhm...take care of it and use it wisely.” Jensen can't say much more about the present because any clue he gives will be a giveaway.

“aww...so you ended up getting me a pony instead. **_Wait!_** A miniature horse?”

“hehehe...what is with you an animals today? And please don't tell me you actually want one of those?”

“Miniature horse might be cool, but I hear they're tough to raise.”

Jensen wants to laugh but he can't stop staring at Jared as he sits behind the all-important manager's desk. “This is what I'll miss most.” He gestures toward Jared.

“What? More than sleeping beside me...an' doin' other such things...?” Jared wiggles his eyebrows as he puts the lid back on the box. “...or me being ' _Jared_ '?”

“That last one.”

“...you can call me, I'll—”

“It's not the same. You—part of the whole ' _Jared_ '-thing working is how animated you are...your face and the way you move your body when you crack-wise.”

Jared scoots his chair up to the desk. “It turns me on to know how much you've been watching me.” He adjusts his tie on his button-down, tugging some on his collar like it's getting tight or he's feeling overheated and flushed in the face.

“I'm not blowing you here or giving you a handy.”

“Care if I take a shot at it? Or both?” Jared pretends to go for loosen his tie's knot.

“Yes. I really only wanted to give you this gift in person.” Jensen heads to the door, hand on the knob.

“ ** _Hey!_** ”

“ ** _What!?_** ”

“...jus' gonna leave without a ' _goodbye_ '?”

“We've been saying ' _goodbye_ ' for days.”

“I know. I just—I hate being rude and leaving this so up-in-the-air.”

“I need it to be. It's already too much. I think I could cry if I looked at you longer.”

Jared pushes back his chair to walk toward Jensen. “I wish you'd let me help you—hold you. I'll give you a less invasive ' _see you soon, man_ ' or ' _—later_ '...not some cheesy ' _goodbye_ '.”

“You're being to good to me.”

“ ** _Excuse me!_** Have you seen that briefcase. I'll fuckin' sit with you and debate which one of us gets treated better by the other.”

“You said it yourself...you needed a briefcase.”

Jared reaches out to grab dangling fingers. “I need you...sooo much, Jen. It leaves me quite breathless to know how much just by you showing up here unexpectedly.”

“I think we're both too used to someone else stealing the show—being the Alpha Top. We're too good at being docile Bottoms that we—we think the other will take up the slack and demand more.”

“You were right the other morning. I do want more. I think I always have.”

Jensen gives out a sweet smile. “I knew it...could feel it. I'm sure I want the same. It's how it is with us. Not a competition but I think we like being at equal levels a lot.”

“We don't have to fuck to be ' _boyfriends_ ' or...uhm, fall in love. It's been nice not feeling pressure to ' _be_ ', you know?”

“god, yeah...I know all too well. I'm afraid we'll fall into this routine, become complacent and miss something wonderful and spectacular that's just at th surface—what we've been avoiding by just sharing our bodies.”

“Maybe we can both use the time apart to realize what we want...what we need from the other...who we want to one another to be to make this is real as it can be.”

“I really wish I could stay and go with you tonight. I've been wanting to get to know your gran'father better. I'm sure he'd like to tell me how to treat his gran'son, make sure I do right by you.”

“You're doing fine. I've no complaints.”

“I know, but tha's not good either. Like you said, this gives you room to still make an impression on me, while I see it as I have no fuckin' clue what to be to you...or even what to give or offer to make you not want to leave.”

“...and clearly we need to talk at a better time. Not rush it when you're foot is halfway out my office doorway.”

Jensen moves further into the office, then slowly wraps his arms around Jared, high about his neck. “I decided I do need a proper send off.”

“mmm...if you hadn't...I'd've pulled you back in.”

Jensen tilts upward as Jared bends down, foreheads bump as faces brush and then lips meet...

==&&==&&==&&==

Jared isn't home when Jason and Steve break into his bedroom. Well, not really “break in” as much as walk past the doorway to find the two things Jensen had jotted down for them to look for.

**Get Dexter—the big-ass teddy bear. You can't miss him.**

**If you call me to verify, we're no longer friends.**

And second...

**Bottom drawer of the low dresser with the cool 3-sided mirror.**

**Drawer is full of sex toys—don't ask. Find the strap-ons.**

**Exchange the dildo in the holder with the one I gave you.**

**If you call me to ask how to attach a dildo to a strap-on,**

**you are dead to me.**

Jason tries to get Dex to sit upright at the end of the bed, but he's floppy and soft; he keeps falling over. “I don't know, Carlson. This seems a bit beyond the call of bro-tocol.”

“christ...you think? Fuck. Jen didn't say which strap-on to use. There's, like, three in here.”

“Well...bring 'em all out.”

“I think it's best we use the one that's comparable to the dildo—the one Jensen gave to you.” Steve shakes the box in question in the air, over his shoulder so Jason can see.

“...and again, I ask you...why did you agree we'd do this for him, if he's not that serious 'bout the kid?” Jason's so used to thinking Jared's always younger than him.

“Oh...well, I think this is the ' _big moment_ ', you know. That first trip away when you start to go...' _fffuuuccckkk...I think I love you an' would you like to build your whole world around me?_ '...”

“Seriously? Jen's that gone for him?”

“ ** _Dude!_** ” Steve, again, shakes the nondescript dildo box in the air. “I have proof right in my hands Jensen has boarded the crazy love train. I mean, c'mon...who buys a special dildo for someone when you haven't even fucked 'em yet?”

“They haven't—?” Jason holds up his hands, palms out. “...wait...how come _you_ know, and ** _I_** don't?”

“...'cuz Jen trusts me with all of his secrets. Plus, you make a really unattractive ' _stinky cheese_ ' face every time he or I mention anything to do with gay sex or...a mere whisper of a night with another guy.”

“I'm straight, but I am gay-friendly. I do have an open mind.”

“No. You think all gay guys are just like you.”

“Horny for pussy?”

“No. Just plain horny. Period.” Steve sadly shakes his head, pulling out the comparable strap-on belt. “all right...I believe we have a winner.” He holds out both to Jason. “...come on...help me out here an' let the damn bear fall over.”

“—but he's so soft...an' cuddly.” Jason is rubbing Dex in some truly intimate places. “No wonder Jared never got rid of him.”

“ ** _Get off the bear and take this god-damn dildo and strap-on!_** ”

Neither man notices the small body filling the bedroom doorway until he speaks. “ahhh...I've always wondered what it'd be like to walk in on an awkward conversation. A la ' _Three's Company_ '.” Christian wanders over the threshold, looking at Jason and Steve. “...sorry, the front door was unlocked and Sadie...and Oz got loose.”

“Thanks.” Jason lifts his chin, relaxing on Dex's chest. “—an' you are?”

“I'm Chris...Kane. I'm Jared's 'big brother'.”

Steve uses the dildo box to gesture. “...but not in the _real_ sense of the word. You an' Jared were paired in the Big Brother/Little Brother program...”

“Yes, we were.” Christian stares down at the strap-on belt and the box that's fairly wide and long. “I'd ask what the fuck you're doing, but I can, sadly, deduce it myself.”

Jason, who has no button on what comes out of his mouth, blurts out the shameful truth. “Jen bought Jared a special dildo for his big two-nine, so...Jen's not here an' we're the ones left to set-up the cock on Dex, here.” He pats the bear on top of his droopy head.

“Lovely.” Chris folds arms to grab at elbows, turning his squinty blue eyes on the dirty blond long-haired guy.

Steve clears his throat, nodding his head in simple agreement. “I could pretty it up, but my explanation would be the same.”

Christian understand it might be a cutesy-couple thing, but he knows Jensen doesn't consider Jared and him “boyfriends” or even in a relationship. But maybe something changed that Jared wasn't confessing to him. “You know how to take the old dildo off and replace with a new one?”

“No...but I'm willin' to learn.”

“Here...give it here.” Christian holds out his hand, first wanting the belt. “...ah, see...I like this one 'cuz it snaps around the flat base of the dildo.” He unsnaps two pieces of leather, pulling the old dildo out, then holds out a hand for the box. “What makes _this one_ so special? I mean...Jay's got, like, 80 of these puppies in places all aroun' the room.”

“I think they're now in one single drawer.” Steve points behind him, hooking thumbs into belt loops and pulling; he likes the appearance of this “Chris Kane” guy. Not really his type—a little rough and gravely, but he's got killer fuckin' eyes...blue, his favorite color.

Jason nods his head, feeling left out. He bounces off the bear to watch Kane's beefy male hands deftly work at opening the box, taking out the new dildo and snapping it in place. “...wow... ** _like magic!_** ” He flitters his hands, five-fingered spread, in the shape of an imaginary rainbow, like an illusionist over his new trick.

Christian holds the belt out to the younger blond. “You're the musician. Manns...uh, Jason, right?” He keeps shaking the belt toward Jason.

“uhm...yes, but so's Steve...well, we're in a pseudo-band together...lead vocals and guitar...” Jason motions to himself, then over to Steve. “...he's back-up vocals, harmonies and rhythm guitar. No name yet 'cuz I just do solo gigs aroun' town an' drag my boy on stage with me so I don't publicly urinate on stage.” He's actually afraid to take the strap-on belt. 

“Nice story, man...I think it's your turn to participate.” Christian can tell Jason isn't comfortable with any of this, which is probably why he's been hanging off the bear all this time.

Jason puts out his hands. “I cannot, in good conscious, violate this bear—Dex—like _this_ , man.” He backs away from the bed and walks around Christian to look at Steve. “I'll go get our gear, man...an' I'll meet you in the garage.” Jason almost runs out of the bedroom; the dogs chasing after him.

“...well...” Christian glances at the belt around his hand, then side-eyes this “Steve” guy. “He's straight, isn't he?”

“...straightest fag-hag I've ever known.”

Christian snorts, looking Steve up and down as he approaches the teddy bear. “You're gay?”

Steve nods his head then places palms out. “I know. I get that all the time. You?”

Christian lifts one dark eyebrow. “Why do you think I kept up with Jared, even after the BB/LB program was over? He was growing into his sexuality. I couldn't simply let him flounder on his own.”

“...wow, tha's so cool of you. Didn't know you did _that_.” Steve watches as the portions of the belt are loosened and Chris loops the straps onto Dex's short, stubby limbs...and the guilt of how debauched the cute and cuddly teddy bear looks unsettles him—like he can feel the cool breeze of Hell's Door opening. “..god...I'm kind of jealous.”

Christian stares down at how the new dildo looks jutting out of Dex's body. “Does Jensen want Dex _here_ or... _elsewhere_?”

“uh...” Steve digs out the instruction sheet to unfold to the next part. He moves back to the dresser's top for the roll of red ribbon. “You don't happen to know how to make a bow, do you?”

“No...but I'm willin' to learn.” Christian smiles as he holds out his hand for the roll of satin. “How is it we've never met?”

“uh—we did...once. But I wasn't looking...or single...or doing much of anything.”

“mmm...same here. Not the ' _nothing_ ' part, but I was in kind of a fog...a haze, I guess. Just stuck on me and mine.”

“Do you run a gay youth program of your own?”

“No. I'm a—” Christian pauses because he knows sometimes how this often creates an instant distance between him and other men he meets. “I speak to young people. I'm an AIDs/HIV activist.”

“oh...”

“yeah...so...” Christian shakes his head, fluttering his hand to say it's okay to be “turned-off” now. He's used to quick rejections.

Steve begins to understand why he feels a sudden chill off Chris. “ _Recently_ diagnosed?”

Christian is a little stunned by the blatant question and no sign of fear on the face. “No. I've been HIV+ for 'bout 4 years now. I lost my long-term partner to cancer.”

“Was _he_ —?” Steve made a small motion to mean if Chris' partner was HIV+ as well.

“No. I needed time to cope with losing him, gaining my own life back. I'm kind of tryin' to return to the game, you know. I'm just...a little out of the loop. A bit clueless on the new dating scene or the protocol. Not into casual hook-ups or one night stands. Guess I jus' wanna ' _do over_ '.”

“...jesus...don't we all.” Steve steps back from the footboard. “Well...” He grabs for his elbow joints to admire their half-assed handy-work. “...I _like_ it.”

“here, wait...I can't leave Dex this exposed and vulnerable.” Christian rolls the hems of the pile of linens up to the bear's chunky waistline. “...there...better...”

“Much.” Steve holds out a hand to take back the roll of leftover ribbon and the cheap kid scissors he stole from his nephew's book-bag. Their fingers brush briefly, causing both of them to smile and back away a step. “Was there some reason you stopped by?”

“uh, yes...I promised Jay I'd check in on Sadie and Oz, make certain the house was in good order—still standing. Jared will be back later tonight. Right now, he's still out with the rest of my boys.”

Steve can hear the pride in the use of “my boys”. “...yeah...I think I've met all of them.”

Christian nods his head, upset that none of them told him that one of Jensen's best friends was gay and available. “Great group of guys...they've been treating Jared to a long birthday celebration. Tough to see how they'll beat this for next year.”

Steve points toward Chris. “... _what_? _Parents_ not invited?” 

Christian gives a hearty laugh, crinkling his eyes at the corners. “eh, I'm still tryin' to recoup from Friday night.” He rubs his neck then the back of his nape. “They're too young for my blood. I can't keep up like I used to.”

“So...” Steve motions with his head that they should step out of the bedroom; no more damage to inflict. “...you got nowhere to be?”

“No.” Christian slinks along the wall as he walks a step behind Steve. “Have the dogs been walked?”

“yes...” Steve nods his head as he makes a tiny gesture with his hand. “I think Jason took them.”

“...good, good.” Christian furrows his brow in confusion. He realizes he's going way-back to Steve's earlier inquiry, so he hopes he won't have to explain himself. “Why do you ask?”

“You like music?” Steve a few feet in front of the base of the main staircase, one foot on the first step, hand gripping the railing.

“hehehe...” Christian scratches at the side of his nose, softly chuckling as he shakes his head. “I'm the co-owner of a bar...hells yes, I love music.”

Steve nods his head then quickly spins to narrow his gaze over his shoulder as Chris follows him. “...wait—is this the club Jared used to ' _bounce_ ' at?”

“Still does.” Christian stops movement to lean on the wall. “Why?”

“Small world, is all.” Steve rolls the ribbon around his hand, then his wrist. He pockets the scissors, one foot on the first step, hand gripping the railing. “You comin'?”

“uh, sure...” Christian takes the other side of the stairs, grabbing the railing handle on the wall. “...if you don't mind a totally captive audience.”

“hell, I'll take anyone will to give Manns a chance.” He pauses mid-way on the stairs, looking down. “Do you handle the auditions for musicians at your bar?”

Christian glances up, having to squint a little because of the sunlight backing Steve's head from the glass that surrounds  
the front door they're nearing. “Sometimes, but I'm never around that often to appreciate them.”

“I'll make you a deal...” Steve watches Chris take another step up, avoiding direct sunlight in his eyes.

Christian can't wait to hear this, leaning his elbows on the railing. “...uh-huh...”

“You give my boy Jason a good listen...I'll take you out on a bona-fide pity date...” Steve lets out a light snicker as he watches Chris avert his head with a loud guffaw. “...and I'll show you a new trendy gay scene that's less scary.”

Chris shakes his head, climbing the rest of the way up to reach the foyer landing. He twists around, this time the one looking down. “Make it a real date, and I'll give you boys a 45-minute slot next Friday night.”

“uh...oh-kay, but...” Before Steve can ask, Chris is running ahead of him, knowing exactly where to go to reach the garage. 

Steve makes a pit-stop in the kitchen to snag the case of chilled beer, snatching a butt load of snacks to munch on. He's flabbergast he even asked this Kane guy to go out with him...and how it had easily morphed into a real “date”.

_oh shit..._

 

 **== &&==&&==&&==**  
b>TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

Jared had dreaded coming back home to an empty house when they had dropped him off Saturday night. Of course he had been slow moving anyway; the effects of two days of enjoying the company and celebration of his brothers wearing him down. Next year, he'd be thirty, and he was sadly aware he wasn't as young and spry as he used to think himself, able to bounce back as quickly from excessive partying. Thank God it had simply been about them and spending time hanging out, rather than everyone of them working so hard to get him laid. Aldis, Milo and Chad had seemed to have come to grips that Jared had become happy, satisfied, and didn't need their help anymore in picking up guys.

Jared tries not to see Jensen in every corner of the first floor. Listening to the answer machine, he gets a cheap thrill hearing Jensen's deep timbered voice fill the house briefly—too briefly. Even Sadie and Oscar aren't quite as enthusiastic as they usually are, like they were soaking up Jared's despondence. He checks his cell phone again to see if he's missed anything in the last few hours.

Jensen had made a decision that texting, for now, was best; he had left voicemails but they were short, simply telling of having needed to turn off his phone during a speaker's chattering. Rarely had Jensen been able to catch Jared answering a call; Jared had attempted to keep his phone on, at all times, but there were moments, and situations, he had gotten into that would be less than agitative. He had let the phone go to voicemail so he wouldn't have to explain to Jensen where he had been, making Jensen more frustrated he wasn't with him instead of Tampa. The less stress Jared brought on, the better. Jared had taken to ringing Jensen back as well, kind of like that he could leave Jensen's voice messages, then almost immediately receive a text from Jensen.

He sits down in the darkened kitchen at the table and presses the quick dial button for Jensen. It's late in the evening here at home, so he knows it's even later in Tampa. Jared assumes he will get voicemail, but when he really reaches Jensen...sleepy deep voice...he can't seem to breathe or talk.

“...Jay?...is that you?...wha—what is it?”

“...hey, Jen...m'back home—finally. Just tryin' to adjust to the cool darkness...an' the fact that you're still not here.”

“mmm...” Jensen yawns, lightly laughing. “...started driftin' off, thinkin' 'bout you. It's tough to contain myself since I share a room with another co-worker.”

“hmm...he cute?”

“god, no. Older. A bit chubby and been married for a gazillion years. Someone is introducing him to the art of Karaoke. So I'm catchin' some 'zzzs', while I can.”

“I'll let you go then. I wanted to talk to your voicemail, not you directly.”

Jensen chuckles deeply. “I know what you mean. I nearly let this one ring, so voicemail would pick it up. You were bein' very naughty in my dream.”

“I can imagine. The thought and fantasies of me before you got to actually know me—god, I must be such a whore in your mind.”

“hehehe...only for me...no one else...”

“You got that right.”

“Where are you?”

“...kitchen...can't bear to go any further. You're ' _in_ ' every stretch of this house. Even Sadie and Oz feel my sadness...god, they must really be heart-achy since I been gone—I left aroun' Friday afternoon with the guys.”

“It was good?”

“eh...I'm 29, not 23, sadly. Can't quite recoup fast from too much partyin'.”

“—but you had ' _fun_ '?”

“mmm...yeah, it was good to be with them, but...wish'd you had been with me—with us. I was thankful they backed out of their usual sad attempts to score me some ass. I was so prepared to use my 'no thanks, I'm already taken' card.”

“Do you really feel that way? Like you're not even gonna look anymore?”

“well...I never truly ' _looked_ ' before and I haven't been sexually active—except with myself—for years. I'm just not that guy, you know?”

“Of course I do. And I'm not ' _him_ ' either. That was by choice more than anything.”

“m'glad. I like the new-ness of ' _us_ '. How, though we have experiences, there's still chances of sharing all of our firsts.”

“awww...that really soun's sweet. You must be tired. You're starting to sound like a greeting card.”

“...no...this is me missing you, wanting you here.” Jared rubs his chest. “...damn, you were right...callin' each other's a little on the painful side.”

“...ssshhh...24 more hours, then I'll be home.”

“mmm...' _home_ '...I like that.”

“I knew you would. It's become achingly clear to me how much I try to talk myself into things. I suppose it's instinctive to protect my heart, but denying it beats stronger if I simply admit we have been moving toward being ' _boyfriends_ '...that is how I see you in my head when I think or talk about you. Saying it out loud should be easy.”

“It makes it more real, then just a thought in your head.”

“You never said a word. Just let me go on feeding my bullshit rhetoric to ourselves...like there's some magical way we'd share our bodies and start to feel nothing. We're both Bottoms...all we do is feel.”

Jared chuckles deeply, getting up from the kitchen chair to wander into the living room. He eyes Jensen's chair in the corner of the room. He paces over to it, kneeling on bent legs so he can lean against and rest his head on the cushioned seat—oh, if only Jensen were right here, this birthday weekend could be the best ever. He rolls his head to plant his brow on the micro-suede material, smoothing a free hand over the velvety softness.

“...you're awfully quiet. What're you doin'?”

“...worshippin' at your shrine.”

Jensen gulps, lips trying to form words, but unable. “Say again?”

“Your chair. In the living room. I'm at its feet, on the floor. My hand is caressing where you'd be sitting on the fabric, but...it's not as soft and warm as you. It does smell like you—your cologne...your bath soap—oh, god...”

“...what? what?” Jensen rises to an elbow. “....talk to me...tell me what you're doing—what you feel...” He throws off the sheets, sliding his hand down naked torso to rub and palm over his bulge. “...god—m'hard jus' from thinking 'bout the sound of your voice, making those little breathy soun's for me.”

“...you mean these...unggghhh—oh, fuck—nnnghhh—fuuuck—nnnjen—yeahyeah—fuck me...like that?”

Jensen rolls to land on his stomach, handing diving under a she takes his cock in hand, no teasing, just roughly pulling as his fingers frantically caress. “ ** _...my god, yes!_**...do that for me, jay...”

Jared quickly undoes his belt and zipper, lowering his trousers to them slide down one side of the tight briefs. “...oh god...need you...” He takes his cock and jerks to slap the thickness against the bottom of the chair. “...need to feel you behin' me...thrusting.” Jared thrusts his pelvis toward the chair's footrest, crying out as he bends over, sticking his ass out, then slamming into the chair again, which make shim call out Jensen's name. 

“...good, god...what're you doin', jay...tell me—details...”

“...you were watching me sleep-like you do...you in your comfy chair, me on the couch...I'm in my tightest pair of boxer briefs, but I'm under a blanket that covers me from hips on down...”

“...fuuuccckkk...I kiss you down your stomach, dot my tongue on both your hips and bury my face in your pubic hair...”

“I moan an' writhe...” Jared does the action. “...my hand tangles in your hair...I wanna push your head once your lips suck on my cocktip...”

“...mmm-you taste damn good in my mouth—nnnghhh—on my tongue...I salivate as I blow you...I can only get 3 inches in before my jaw aches—you're so thick when you're fully hard...”

“...ohmygod, jen...your mouth—this time, we get it all in...the top pokes the back of your throat...”

Jensen shivers with the thought as he quickly lowers his elastic waistband, on knees and a hand pulling his cheeks apart. “...fuck my mouth, jay...”

“...I am-I do...you suck me like a straw, so fuckin' tight I almost come, but I jus' leak pre-come...you slurp at every las' drop...”

“...I tell you how I've fantasied 'bout you fuckin' me...poundin' into me 'til I come untouched...I laugh an' promise one day it'll be your turn, but that I'm ready for you...been ready for you...I'm off the couch on all fours...”

“...yesss...such a pretty pink hole always open for me...do I even rim you...or take you fully dry?”

“...nnnggghhh....use your spit—on your cock...then on my hole...finger me to get it all inside...kiss my back as I try to fuck your fingers...”

“...you thrust onto me even with nothing there to fill you...so beautiful...wanton and open...I guide my cock in after jacking off a few seconds...”

“...you're tentative as you inch in—slowly...god, hear that... ** _sccchuuulllppp!_** ” Jared makes a noise with his tongue and mouth as his body rolls in little thrusts. “...my body stretches aroun' you...so big-so tight...”

“...I can barely move...you fit 'roun' me like a glove...I pound gently against your ass, feel you thrust back...we meet in the middle...”

“...bend forward, chest to my back...my legs go wide as your weight pins me down...”

“I pull back, almost fully out, then I ram back in...over an' over an' over, I ram into you...you cry at every pounding, 'cuz it hurts so good...

“...jen! yeah! Jen...yes, yeah, yeahhhh...fuck me—fuck me...” Jared pounds his body against the chair

Jensen has shifted a pillow under his body, having folded the plushness in half to create a makeshift “hole” he can fuck. “...unnnggghhh...you close, jay?...”

“...so close, jen...feel me...quivering, tightening more...m'fallin' to pieces right under you...your cock so deep inside me...I want you to come in me...”

“...oh, plan on it...good to know...ohgod—ohgod...jayyyy...you're coming...you're coming so hard you're milking me dry of every drop...”

That was the last either of them spoke.

Jared rams so hard against the chair, causing friction and constant rubbing of his shaft; he does come hard as the sensation of his hole gaping open to be filled with Jensen and Jensen's voice in his ear. Jensen humps the pillow so hard into the bed, he collapses on his upper torso with ass spread wide to cool air...like he can almost feel Jared's own cock filling him...god, soon...hopefully sooner than he wishes. Jared can take over the role of Top quite easily; Jensen can't wait.

“...jen...talk to me...”

“...christ...I don' wanna move...you know, like when we've both come an' we lay all sticky an' in the wet spots...”

“...that will be a sight for your hotel roomie...I think I scared the dogs away...”

“I'm envious of my damn chair...I bet you look relaxed and well-fucked...”

“I look...ridiculous, but tha's a given since I just fucked a chair.”

“...my chair...I violated one of my pillows...not quite you, but it sufficed...”

“jesus, man...should we install bumpers on the walls of our bedrooms? We are gonna hurt each other when we get back together—whenever...”

Jensen rolls over onto his back, throwing the dirty pillow on the floor, then pulling up the covers to his chest. “I am gonna sleep like a fuckin' baby tonight...thanks, jay...for callin'...”

“...anytime you need me, you know that, jen...” Jared works his pants back up his hips to his waist, leaving the zipper to flap open so he can turn and sit down. “I know this is stupid, but...you gonna need me to pick you up after you land?'

“No. The car service will pick us up, take us back to their parking lot. Tha's where my car is.”

“...so, expect you when I see you?”

“I will definitely try to see if I can get out of here early, catch a different flight. Sometimes it's a hit or miss on Sundays with these things. Time for presenters to sit back and hear our wants, needs and likes or dislikes...so it becomes a bit of a sales pitch meeting.”

“No matter how boring you think it is, you still make it sound interesting. You don't run the whole show, do you?”

“No...the salesmen do, but we all have chipped in with our input. There might be a need to talk to these companies.” Jensen yawns, wiping his face, combing back his hair. “...but for the most part, we're here to soak up knowledge and bring it back for the masses.”

“This happens every year?”

“Twice a year.”

“You go every time?”

“uh, yeah...I'm not head editor, but I go in place of him.”

“Next time...I'll go with you.”

“Jay...tha's six months away...”

“Then I'll write it on the calendar. Don't worry.”

“hmm...is this your way of subtly making a commitment to me?”

“What? You don't even give us six months of pure domesticated bliss—and raunchy sex?”

“... ** _god!_**...do I fuckin' miss you right now...”

“Tha's my last ' _gift_ ' to you—me being ' _Jared_ '.”

“Best. Present. Ever.” Jensen laughs as he yawns wide again.

“uh-huh...Mr. Sleepyhead needs a nap.”

“...shut up...you know you won't be far behind.”

Jared proves that by yawning as well. “I'm gonna go violate and debauch your bed now.”

“...please do, then tell me in detail later so I have another fantasy to jerk off to in the shower.”

“I'll probably just sleep. Your bedroom always makes me wanna behave.'

“I like your room...your bed is better...”

“...'cuz it's got ' _me_ ' in it—I know...”

“no-ah...well, yeah, but it's the one place in that house that makes me feel like it's really a home.”

“aww...Jensen...now who soun's like a greeting card?”

“hehehe...see you soon, man...”

“...get home safe, jen...we'll be waitin' to see you—me an' the doggies...no one else.”

“I got that.”

“...later, man...”

“...uh-huh...” Jensen hears the click and lays back on the pillows with both arms crossed over his face. He feels the dull ache and the pin-pricks of tears, sensing he's becoming a bit girlish for being so weepy about missing Jared. It takes a while for him to realize he hadn't even once asked Jared if he had gone to his own bedroom and seen his second birthday gift. “ ** _...fuck!_** ” Jensen pounds a fist on the bed, not willing to call Jared back to play coy. He'll simply have to trust that Jason and Steve had followed his instructions to a tee.

Jensen's plans to return home sooner had become more than only a promise. He hadn't wanted to get Jared's hopes up in case things hadn't panned out, but they were falling way-too easily into place. Thank God his hotel roomie has such a soft spot for new couples just starting out and the tragedies that befall family-in-laws. Jared had hated using Jared's gran'father as an excuse, but...there had been some truth to him wanting to return home so he could be there for Jared, the man he was, or probably was already, in love with.

==&&==&&==&&==

Jared never goes to his own bedroom, at all. He had gone to Jensen's room, had taken a long, hot shower, had come out, wrapped in only a towel, then had plopped face-first on the low-to-the-floor King-sized bed. He had sprawled like he typically had in his own bed—one arm tucked in while the other flailed out. He had hugged one of Jensen's pillows, laying on another under his cheek and it wasn't long before he was out like a light. He had a slow, lazy Sunday morning.

In Jensen's bath towel, he goes into the kitchen to feed himself and the dogs, eats his breakfast curled in Jensen's chair, after making sure no come-stains remained. He naps briefly with the dogs at his feet, so when he rises to head to his bedroom to dress, he allows the dogs out to play and run in the backyard. He promises them he will walk them soon, if they don't exhaust themselves. He heads downstairs, quickly moving to his dresser and then a closet, not even bothering to notice the bow on his mattress or Dex in his old position with covers drawn up his stubby bear legs, hiding the new dildo and strap-on belt. He puts Jensen's towel in his laundry bin and goes out the other door from his bathroom to find the dog's leashes off the tiny kitchenette. He jogs up the staircase and right away can see Sadie and Oscar pacing at the sliding glass doors to come back in. It's too beautiful of a day to waste being inside.

Jared takes them on his run around the neighborhood, starting to feel his stomach growl to be fed. Being Sunday, there is quite a few barbecues going and meals being simmered and cooked all day that Jared can scent, so he runs faster to get back home, taking the dogs off their leashes so they can do one of their favorite things and chase after him. He's beyond sweaty and out-of-breath by the time he shuts the front door. He knows he'll need another shower; this one will be his last of the day so he decides to pick out what he wants to wear when Jensen walks in through the front door. Oscar goes his separate way with a chew toy, Sadie dances around and follows Jared. Both of them head to the first floor, Sadie thinks this is another race and she'll claim victory over her Daddy.

Ever since she had been an older puppy, when Jared had brought her home with him, she had never been denied the right to jump on his nice beds with his nice, expensive linens. This time is no different, and she curiously sniffs around the strips of red satin, then on the massive red bow dead center. She smells two very distinctive scents, both familiar, like they have always been in her house, playing with her Daddy.

“...oh, fuuuck me...” Jared cannot believe what he's staring at as he notices his whole bed has been looped with red ribbon to look like a wrapped gift, complete with a huge bow. Sadie sits next to the thing, looking at the bow back to Jared, thinking he will explain this to her. “...down, baby!” He points to the floor and Sadie obeys as she hurries to sit beside her Daddy and behave until he allows her back on the bed. Jared wanders over to yank on the ribbon across the width of the mattress; it pops off to show that the fabric had only been tucked between box-spring and mattress. He pulls away the longer strip running down the center and he tugs a bit at the covers. He swears it looks like Dex is wearing something black around his waist and legs, and when he moves away the pile of blankets he reveals a pretty substantially-sized dildo with a realistic paint-job and veins popping out. It's smaller to his own cock, when fully hard, but there's this glorious bend to the shaft when it's permanently rigid that'll penetrate him quite perfectly, where he knows a few slides down the shaft will make him come hard and quick—probably nasty, too...quite messy, because he'll be so aroused he'll keep fucking it until he's hard and he cums again, and again and again.

“Dex...I'm—this is...I never knew you wanted me this badly.” Jared teases to no one, but laughs anyway. He looks under and around Dex as he removes the teddy bear from the top of the bed. Jared glances over at the night stand, knowing exactly which lube to use for this one. As he opens the drawer, he finds that he doesn't have to worry, the choice of lubrication has already been made for him, and there's a folded note taped to the small bottle. His name is flourished in cursive and he opens the paper to read...

**“...thought the next best thing to me being there was to leave a part of me with you—always...yours, J.”**

Jared swallows hard, side-glancing at the cock. No wonder it looks so realistic. Jensen had someone professionally take a mold of his erect cock—New Fantasy #236—and then he must've waited around to watch the dildo being made [ and tested for durability? ]—New Fantasy # 237—and someone just handed it to Jensen to carry home—New Humorous Vision #1107...

wha—?—wait—what?

Jared had loved the leather briefcase, but this had to be...hands down...THE FUCKING BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!

But then again, only Jensen had known what a Bottom Jared could be and how much he had already amassed enough dildos to be considered a connoisseur. He can't believe Jensen had done it; he actually put himself in an uncomfortable situation just to—what?...make him happy? Tell him how much he really loved him? Let him get too used to fake Ackles cock to never want real Ackles cock?

In good conscience, Jared won't use the dildo—thought he will give his left nut to—until he knows Jensen's motives...what his intentions are. Jared dresses out of his clothes; his own dick hardening simply by the air touching him  
and his own fingers brushing against hot skin. If he fucks that cock in the shower he intends to take, he'll come so fast and never get true enjoyment. Jared forces a cold shower on himself, with his hard-on never going flaccid once. He can't even touch himself intimately because the thoughts running through his mind get dirtier by the second. Jared walks out of the shower stall, trying to dry off and almost hurts himself; his cock is hard enough to shatter glass. He wraps a huge towel around his waist and he grabs the strap-on belt from Dex and deeply apologizes for all the dirty perverts who had touched him—even the one who had designed this harebrained idea to involve his favorite childhood stuffed animal. Dex was put back on the chair, the belt went back into the drawer and Jared brings lube, Jensen's dildo and bundles them into a handtowel.

Jared can't breathe down here, in his own bedroom; he needs fresh air. Thankfully, the dogs don't bother him as he climbs the stairs to reach the top floor, then he starts to pace, wondering what to do—use the gift now or wait for Jensen?

A long honk pierces the air and Jared goes still, recognizing Jensen's car horn. He starts to panic...breathes quickening and heart frantic in beats; he feels chilled and overheated in wave after wave of sensation. He throws the towel bundle on the couch, hopping over the back as he tries to look normal, like he's not freaking out. He slouches with his arm along the back cushions, but it's difficult to appear “normal” with a raging hard-on and sounds coming from his mouth like he's already gone through an intense round of fucking on his own.

Keys jangle, door mechanism unlocks, paneling creaks open and Jensen's inside. “ ** _Hi, honey! I'm home!_** ” He can look up from the foyer landing into the living room and see the back of Jared's head as he sits on the couch, looking carefree and relaxed. Leaving his suitcase, and briefcase, on the floor by the door, Jensen jogs up the short stairs to come around the couch and...catch Jared deep breathing and staring dead ahead. He looks...tragic, like he's been traumatized by something. “...wha—? What is it?” Jensen moves to block Jared's view, watching him blink and hide his face. “...come on, man...tell me...is it Pops?” He squats down to Jared's level, hands on thighs over the towel material and he feels the heat, the throb and a pulse. He looks to the bend of the waist and notices the cock trying to poke through the thick fabric. “...oh...my...” Jensen swallows down “god” in a gulp, his eyes moving to the empty cushion next to Jared. A handtowel is unrolled to reveal a bottle of lube and what he knows to be his dildo—well, the mold of his cock made into a dildo. “...oh, yeah...my, uh...the second part to your birthday gifts.”

“How many parts are there?”

“Three.”

Jared groans and closes his lids in agony. “What other torture do you plan on putting me through?”

“No...no more torture, Jay...” Jensen leans forward toward Jared's chest, undoing the tucked corners. “...sometime today, you're gonna be truly well-fucked and blissed out...not by sharing our bodies, not by my dildo here...but by me.” In case Jared didn't understand, Jensen explains, “I'm gonna fuck you...as many times as you'll allow me.”

“...jesus-christ...can't you jus' fuck me now?”

“No.” Jensen stands to slide out of his jacket and undo his tie. “...because, as Top in this moment, I want you to do as I say...” He licks his lips as he stares at Jared's hidden bulge again. “...to not come 'til I tell you.”

“I've had this erection for almost a half-hour. Even from my own touch, I might shoot.”

“well, maybe I'll let you off this time, for the first one...I don't like seeing you suffer.” Jensen squats again to Jared's level as the towel has been loosened; he slowly widens the view to part the material and finds Jared's erection. It bounces and flexes with each of internal movement. “...so gorgeous...an' all mine...” Jensen sinks to open his mouth over the moistened domed tip, sliding down as far as he's able before he aches and almost chokes.

Jared fails backward on the cushions, slouching as his arms spread, grabbing puffy corners of the separate cushions. “...fuuuck, sooo good, jen...”

Jensen slides his hands up the thighs to ride along the torso. He licks the underside of the length, taking small sections of the shaft from the side and suckling. He bumps his face to the chest, kissing wet lips over flesh as he palms the cock in his left hand. “...come for me, jay...let go, an' come for me...”

Jared gives in to the short pumps along Jensen's hand, then he cranes back, skin reddening along his upper chest as neck muscles strain, shooting short spurts of thick white come to eventually eek out the last of his semen all over Jensen's fisted hand. “...god-damn...there's still more in there...”

Jensen quickly pulls his hand away to use the towel to wipe off his hand then washes Jared's chest and right arm. “I want you to use my dildo.”

Jared places one hand on Jensen's forearm on his thigh. “I'd much rather it be you.”

“I know, but...if you knew how much I need to see you do this, I know I'd be more inclined to fuck you anywhere in this whole house.”

“Not just in the bedrooms?'

“No.”

“Even here...the couch...the floor...god—your chair...”

“I dunno...my chair's already been fucked once...”

“yeah, well, you have no idea how much they traumatized Dex.”

“...huh?'

“The strap-on belt...your little dildo gremlins violated my childhood teddy bear.”

“aww...I'm sorry...did it really upset you that much?”

Jared shakes his head. “You should see the dick on this teddy bear. I had no idea I aroused him that much.”

“It looked, uh...good with the strap-on belt?”

“eh, presentable. Now you got me thinking a wild, nasty fantasy...”

“Of what? Tell me...”

“Ever wanted to self-fuck?”

“...jesus christ...” Jensen leans over to lay on Jared, causing the knees to spread open around him. “...never even thought of that—dayum!”

“Leave it to me, I'll drag your mind into the gutter quick.”

“mmm, like it down here.” Jensen loosely tucks arms about Jared, pecking kisses along upper breast to suckle and softly bite a dusky nipple. “...god...you always smell so good after a shower.”

Jared glances down at the dirty blond head, left hand lifting to sift through the locks. “I also need a shower after my shower.”

“Is that why you just walk 'roun' in a towel for a few hours?”

“yeah an'...how else would you've noticed me?” Jared flexes biceps and pecs to impress, but Jensen places hands over everything and shakes his head to refuse. 

“Probably the one thing you can do to turn me off.” Jensen gets up to stand, walking around the couch to reach the fridge.

Jared sits there, quiet and dumbfounded, not sure what to do, or say, hoping that he doesn't really turn Jensen off. He sits straight to glance over and finds Jensen returning with bottled drinks in his hand. “...thanks, man.” He twists off the cap and takes a long, thirsty swallow.

Jensen plops down in his chair, close to the edge of the cushion as he watches Jared almost drink the whole bottle. His eyes travel down to admire the muscled chest and massive arms, noticing the tapered incline of torso to waist, then the dark patch of brown curls that bed the base of the half-erect cock. It's not as long or huge as it can be when it's erect, but it still looks a beauty to ride and feel filling his body until he's raw and sore. “...god-damn...” This is why he sucks at topping; he loves cock too much. He loves Jared's cock too much, bordering on obsessive. He switches his gaze back over, catching Jared's smirk. “What?”

“I saw your second gift to me...” Jared shakes his head, palming the hard latex shaft in his large hand. “... and immediately, I'm wondering why you'd do something like this.”

“uh-huh...and?”

“Only I would understand that something like this...” Jared holds up the dildo. “...means you're half-way to being in love with me.”

Jensen drops his eyes to the carpeting. “You already know my gift-giving is practical. I find a need, I try to get an item the person would never get for themselves.”

“But I have you, why would I need a fake you's cock?”

“Jay, don't try to—”

“No, no...hear me out...please.” Jared clears his throat, taking a short sip of the drink. “You're still so scared of changing roles with me, you think you won't be enough...cumwhore that I am...”

Jensen shakes his head, going quiet as he sips at his water.

“You know how much I love to bottom, and I love my toys...you wanna be loved just as equally...”

Jensen frowns deeply, averting his head. “Tha's not even close to what—”

“You're a piss-poor liar. And...” Jared moves forward, tossing the dildo in his hand through the air. “If you can't take my word for it, how much I deeply care for you...then, yeah...I'll fuck myself on this beast right here in front of you.”

“I don't want to humiliate you, Jay.”

Jared trades drink with lube bottle and crawls to his knees on the floor. “Too late, I've already decided. I'm not ashamed of my body or coming in front of you...nor do I want you to doubt my feelings for you, ever again.”

“I don't doubt you, Jay. I'm just—”

“...scared...of me. Of what I make you feel. Of how you want to be with me. Topping me won't make us less equal. I'll just know what you're willing to sacrifice for my sake, which is a helluva lot more sexy than some of the stuff we've done together and many of the ones we have yet to do.”

“I wish I was freer with my body like you. I'd've really given you a birthday present not to forget.”

“...there is always next year.”

“...your big 3-0.”

“mmm...can't wait for the next 30 years with you.”

Jensen moves from chair to the surface of the coffee table, putting his bottle down to hold out his hand. “...c'mere...”

“What?” Jared frowns, thinking he's done something wrong.

“...jus' c'mere...” Jensen wiggles his fingers at Jared, who waddles on knees over, leaving lube, dildo and handtowel on the floor in front of the television. The closer he approaches, the more Jensen slides the bond of their hands to Jared's lower back. Jensen pushes in, forcing Jared to arc his spine as he nears. Jensen's other hand slides up the chest wall to press over collar bone and left breast to feel the frantic heart race, then cups the side of the neck. “miss'd this—your body...you, mostly.” Jensen taunts with the closeness of his face, eyes leering and tongue coming out to lick dry lips wet, then bites down on his bottom lip. 

Jared feels the odd sensation of naked body brushing over clothed body; he eyes Jensen's actions with low lids. “I'm no good without you...less ' _Jared_ ' than usual.”

Jensen slowly nods his head like he approves. He releases Jared's hands, then traces, five-finger spread, up the expanse of back. He's breathing in Jared's face, but he's not kissing him. All he can do is rub and caress, staying silent as he bows his head and absorbs Jared's presence.

Jared rests his arms on Jensen's thighs, hands clamped around the thickness. “I like the way you look at me...makes me feel sexy...like I arouse you.”

“...you do, so much...there so much of you I wanna touch, it's hard to know where to start first.”

“Start here.” Jared points to his face—his mouth—then brings his hand over to take Jensen's and presses three fingers over his lips; he purses mouth to kiss skin. “...work your way down from there.”

Jensen buries his face in Jared's neck, pushing his brow against the body. “It's weird to feel so twisted and undone all at once.”

“You're not alone, you know that, right?”

“yeah-yes...I do, but...” Jensen shakes his head, still unable to converse further or explain what's warring inside his body and mind. “...don't wanna let you go—ever.”

“I don't mind...jus' lemme...” Jared waddles backward to bring over dildo and lubrication. He puts the lube on the coffee table, bringing out Jensen's dildo. “You have a gorgeous cock. Should be proud of it. I have a feeling this'll be my new favorite toy.”

“You're biased. You don't have to compliment me to make me feel better.”

Jared shakes his head, staring at the dildo, then lovingly caresses the shape. “It amazes me more to think of you sitting through what it took to get this exact erection when they got the actual mold of plaster pour right.”

Jensen smiles, a bit bashful. “...thought of you...all the ways you'd abuse it to seek satisfaction while I was gone. I never popped a quicker boner or kept it for so long while the plaster set around me.”

“mmm...soun's kinda hot.” Jared caresses with his free hand along Jensen's face then down the button-down shirt and over the wide chest. His finger traces along the leather belt to buckle then palms the “erection” in question. “—would love to see you stroke while I fuck myself on your dildo...might seem strange, but I bet we'd heighten the moment.”

“eh...I think I can do that for you.” Jensen uses his head to shoo Jared backward, watching him teeter to fall on his bottom, feet planted apart on the carpet, bending at the knees. He has opened the apex of his legs, putting on display not only pubic mound with jutting cock, but the pulsating dark pink center of his anus.

Jared bites down on his lip, bracing off his elbows to watch Jensen work quickly out of his suit pants, pooling everything at his ankles as he sits down again on the coffee table surface. Jared gulps as he catches the breathtaking sight of dark blond curls and a curved shaft that bobs and shifts, leaking a long string of clear pre-come to the floor. When Jensen grabs the length, right at the tip to smear the liquid as lube, Jared snatches for dildo and lube. He eyes Jensen's real cock to the fake one as he lubes up the latex and dips two fingers low to smear water-based liquid over his hole.

Jensen tries to unbutton his shirt while stroking but it's nearly impossible; all he wants to do is grip his thigh or a sturdy flat surface with his free hand. He feels the dull quivering low in his gut, telling him that his body's building up to a rare orgasm, which is quite fitting for a situation such as this one.

Jared puts away lube, taking the bottom of the base to the dildo and poising over his opening. He lifts an eyebrow with a wry smile off his mouth, noticing how intently Jensen is watching his hand on the fake cock as it slips slowly into his gaping hole. Green eyes shuffle to stare at Jared's face now as he contorts and grimaces as the plastic mushroomed head breeches the tight rim; Jared stops to take a deep breath then gives one hard, rough shove to fill his rectum and rocks his body in a series of jolts and jerks.

Jensen almost comes right then and there; he would have had Jared made any sound, but he hadn't. Instead, he was arching off the floor, head pushing back into the carpet, his upper chest darkening red as neck muscles and tendons strain. Jared secures forearms, hands forming fists, to the backs of his thighs as he keeps his legs spread; he bears down to push out the length a little, then tightens his slick walls to drag the dildo back in. He does this several times before he drops his legs, heels planting, taking his own engorged cock in hand; the dildo arcs out so the base is trapped to the carpet fibers and Jared pauses to stroke and allow sensations to course through his body. He's beginning to slow fuck himself on the permanently erect cock, rolling his head around as every stretch of him inside is caressed and massaged to a pleasurable point. Jared picks up speed with his hips thrusting and soon he lets go of his own cock to spread arms wide so his hands can hold onto some traction as he bounces up and down on seven-and-a-half inches of unrelenting perfect cock.

Jensen doesn't know which to watch more...his dildo disappearing into Jared's body, Jared's own cock stiff and wavering out from his body or Jared's face as he tries to contain intense pleasure. Before he can even get lasting glances over all three, Jared flips to land on knees and face, his ass high in the air with the protruding dildo base sticking out from his anus. Jensen jolts with arousal, not sure what Jared plans on doing, but he pushes upper body to the floor to widen the stance of his knees and tries to sit, pushing the dildo into his body from a flat surface. Jared reaches back to hold his cheeks apart, sliding up and down the hard shaft with no fear that he'll pop out. He pounds down at a frenzied pacing, bringing his hands around so one can stroke while the other balances him.

“...fuuuck me!” Jared chokes out with the wild shake of his mane of hair. “...gonna come...” He strokes faster and bounces higher. “...oh, fuuuck...I'm gonna cum so hard...” And sure enough, through garbled, strangled cries, Jared goes still, arms not moving as he shoots semen to the carpeting under him. At his backside, his anal contractions work overtime as the dildo shifts and adjusts.

This is the sight that helps Jensen to release his painful orgasm because he wants to feel those slickened walls tighten around him, milking him of every last drop. Jensen directs his own flow of ejaculate down to his bunched clothes, but some splatter wherever they land. He leans over to take off shoes, but then somehow Jared's there, taking over the task. Jensen pulls upright to look over the mussed brown locks, the flushed face and the light sheen of sweat over Jared's body....he hurriedly unbuttons his shirt, rolling shoulders to slip out of sleeves one by one. He crosses arms to grab the bottom hem and lift for the white t-shirt to come off his body. Jensen notices how deft Jared's been about untying shoes, pulling off socks and then removing the tangles of trousers and briefs.

Jensen widens his legs, pulling at Jared, but Jared's already niching between his thighs and collapsing on Jensen's chest, Jensen's arms take him in and caress, massaging over sensitized skin. “...god...I knew it...knew I'd come from that thing an' I'd never wanna stop...” He's sliding his own limp arms around Jensen. “...but I don't want more of it—I want more of you...huh? Can I please? Pretty please, can I have you now, Jen?”

Jensen growls and grumbles as he stands from the coffee table and almost drags Jared to stand as well, so he can push and then drop Jared to land on the couch cushions covered by that discarded towel. He would love to just take Jared from behind but for their first time he feels it has to be a bit more special. “On your back.” He tries to demand in what he assumes is his gruff Top voice, especially if he adds some cool rough-looking grabs of Jared's legs and yanks and tugs to show he means business. Jared simply lays back on a small pillow, one arm bent and tucked under his head. He bends a right knee and plants the foot on the cushion as he lets the other long leg butterfly out from his body. Jensen swipes up the lube bottle and, slicking up his cock length, then throws the lube bottle down, planting a knee as his left hand grabs for Jared's right knee. Jared shuffles down further to lift his bottom off the couch; his hole pulsates open and shut in anticipation. Jensen timbers his body, feeling Jared presses a flat palm to his chest to brace and balance as he sinks lower to Jared's chest. With one hand guiding, Jensen feels his cocktip poke, pull back, then breech the tight, sore rim.

Jared instantly sucks in air between clenched teeth. “...god...yeah...” His hands slides around to slip to Jensen's back as once through the sphincter, one solid thrust of his hips and Jared's body takes the whole of Jensen's shaft...some grimacing while he adjusts but for the most part, Jared was in no pain, only pleasure.

Jensen lays chest to chest, sliding cheek again the side of Jared's face and hair. His brow presses into the pillow. “...already know, not gonna last long...so fuckin' tight and warm...you prepared yourself for me.”

“...yup...tha's the other thing I figured you wanted me to do...clever, clever man...” Jared leans against the neck and hair. “I don't know how you always manage to take care of me without it being a form of smothering.” He loves this moment—the quiet and stillness of their joined bodies—doing that “sharing of bodies” but at a deeper level. He knows that soon they'll fuck like mad-crazy, but for now he's content and more certain he's in love with Jensen than ever.

Jensen pulls back to be able to look down at Jared. Now that he's embedded so deep inside...he's closer, but still not close enough. He takes quick possession of Jared's lips, cupping the side of the face. He draws away to lean face on brow. “Do you feel the need to release? To orgasm?”

“No. You?”

“No. You feel so good aroun' me. I'd hate to ruin this moment with some frenzied spastic fucking.”

“hehehe...we don't have to fuck now...it's enough that you got past your fear an'...you topped me...an' you looked fuckin' sexy doin' it, while bein' all...grrr-manly with me. I love ToppyBottom Jensen.”

“...well, he loves you, more and more, each minute.”

“mmm...this has got to be the best birthday ever...”

“good...I'm glad...hate to see you cry.”

“I might warn you, though.”

“What?”

“I'm probably gonna do everything I possibly can to make you not regret bein' my, uh...' _boyfriend_ '...”

“...so...”

“It could get very chick-flicky.”

“I don't mind...really. As long as you promise to share topping responsibilities...never have I been more enamored of your cock. I want it in me as much as I wanted to be in you.”

“Do you need me to make a mold of fake Padalecki cock, for when I'm not around?”

“Why not? They do have home kits for sale.”

“eh...one drawback, though...”

“What?”

“It doesn't know how to be very ' _Jared_ '—just knows how to be a good, satisfying cock.”

“hmmm...that would be a huge turn-off, but I could tamp my want of ' _Jared_ ' and trudge on to a great orgasm or...”

“Or—what?”

“Just how good did Dex look in the strap-on belt?”

“No...” Jared starts to playfully struggle against Jensen, like he's gonna bring a smackdown on him. “...you are not defiling my teddy bear for your cheap, tawdry needs.” He can't help but laugh as he feels his body being tickled.

“...no worries. I already know your shower wall has good suction.”

“mmm...very good suction. We could have dueling cocks, then trade off.”

“god...we're so freaky...”

“...eh, we're both such good-for-nothing cumsluts...”

“I'd prefer being a cumwhore. More dignified.”

“Duly noted.” Jared snickers lightly, a little unsettled as Jensen stares rather hard at him. He swipes at the face above. “What? Do I have semen in my hair.” He pulls at both ends at the side of his head.

“no, man...I just...you know how I like lookin' at you.”

“uh-huh...”

“Feels a little more real at the moment—this thing we're doing.”

Jared loosely loops arms around Jensen's neck. “I like this thing we do—real or not. Love bein' with you...love...well, you...” He undercups Jensen's chin, holding the head high. “awww, jen...look at you...” Jared combs back hair and brushes knuckles over the face. “ssshhh...don't let it overwhelm you like this—you start bawlin', then I'm gone...an' pretty soon, Sadie and Oz'll be whining to know who hurt their Daddies.

Jensen closes his eyes, placing his cheek on Jared's upper chest and simply relaxes...

“...there ya go—I got you, man...I'm here—I got you...”

Jensen sniffles, then lifts his head to bury his face in Jared's neck, feeling those massive arms encapsulate his whole body. He will move soon-thrusting to fuck, to complete another orgasm—but it's just enough now to be quiet and let Jared be...well ' _Jared_ '.

 

**..the end**


End file.
